Has anyone been baking this season? Made any good cookies lately? This is how it goes when I bake cookies...
FIrst, I have to sample the batter a few times to make sure it is just right. I like raw cookie dough better than the final baked cookie. Then, when the cookies are finally in the oven they smell so good that you can't wait for them to come out so you can sink your teeth into a warm and gooey bite of deliciousness. Check once, not done yet. Check twice - still pretty raw in the center. Check yet another time - well, maybe they will finish cooking on the cooling rack. After all, a slightly underdone cookie is far better than a slightly overcooked one.
So, I take them out early and scoop them off of the cookie sheet onto the cooling rack. Because the cookie is most likely undercooked and it is most certainly steaming hot - it sort of smushes up on the spatula when I try to move it from the sheet to the rack. What to do with a shushed cookie on your spatula? Only one thing, my friends, only one option. You have to eat it! Lick it off of the spatala if necessary. ( I have loads of clean utensils at the ready just for this reason) Soooo.... I eat my first bite of warm and gooey deliciousness, and I burn my toungue! I think it tastes good, but it's so dang hot that I can't really taste it. So, I better try another one ( they are cool enough by now) -and it's perfect! Nirvana has been reached :) The next batch goes in the oven and I repeat the cycle all over again.
I love to bake. I love the whole process. The dough, the mess, the smells, and the final product. My impatience with the process of waiting for something to cook just adds to the fun of it all. Because I know the timer will eventually go off. I know things will cook if I would leave the oven door closed long enough. And I know the final product will be worth the wait. ( even if it is smushed up on the spatula).
I have not loved the process of going throgh chemo. I feel like the cookie dough. Lots of ingredients go into a good dough and many of them are pretty distasteful on their own. You have to really beat the dough to get it to come together - and that can't be fun. Going under the beaters hurts. Alot. And then the heat of the oven is required to finish the process. Ouch. Intense heat hurts too. Even more than the beaters.
Finally, after much waiting and peeking, the timer goes off and a wonderful experience awaits. Ahhhh... from raw eggs and flour and baking soda and butter comes a transformed gift. It was worth the wait.
I have my last chemo this Thursday, the 22nd. I am every bit as impatient for this to be over as I am for the cookies to bake. Even more so, because I now know how the cookie dough feels. I have tried to hurry the process. From begging God to just deliver me from this pit to begging the oncologist to not make me go through 6 chemo treatments, and then trying to negotiate a lower dose of chemo drugs... nobody is smiling at my pleas for mercy. The cookie won't cook in 5 minutes and I am not getting out of 6 full on chemo treatements.
I know that when I am done with this process I will be changed. Not just physically, but in every aspect of my life. You can't go through something like this without some pretty big changes. I no longer resemble raw ingredients. Being beaten and cooked has made me a better person. I appreciate things so much more than I did before. I take very little for granted. And I love my life more than ever. And the timer hasn't even gone off yet!
I don't know how I am going to end up when I am done. Only God knows that. And He hasn't burned anything yet. So, I wait for the final treatment with a mix of impatience and trust. I know it will be worth the wait. And I'm hungry!!!
Tomorrow is the LAST chemo!!! please pray for:
- Complete healing
- Zero side effects
- Good blood numbers so we can do the last chemo
- Wisdom on post chemo treatment choices
- Favor in scheduling follow up surgeries for port removal and final reconstruction
Merry Christmas!!
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