Actually, "new normal" would be a more accurate statement. Much has happened since the end of chemo (late December of 2011). We all felt like we needed a huge breather, yet it was not to be. The past 4 months have had a new set of challenges - nothing near what we have emotionally and physically been through, but we were kinda hoping for 180 degree turnaround. Between Julie's recovery, emotionally processing what "survival" looks like, significant challenges at my work, the emotional and financial roller coaster of selecting a college for Sarah, medical challenges for our parents...it's been...well, just hard.
However, we are (continually) learning not to look at our circumstances. Circumstances will drive us mad. When we focus on our situation, we whirl, spin, worry, fuss, cry and carry around a big bucket of angst. We must look at the Lord, for His yoke is easy and His burden light. He knows the end of the story - he knows the path to sharpen us and make us more like Jesus. He knows what we need to grow and what we can handle and how we might have the honor to impact others through our difficult circumstances.
I liken it to the game of golf. If you have ever played the game, you know that there are, literally, 200 things that you can have your mind processing at any point in time. Ball position - just off right heel. Weight slightly on left side. Grip the club lightly, like your holding a bird. Wind coming from the right. Keep left arm straight. Hit down on the ball. Keep left wrist firm. Point club to the target at top of swing. Swing to parallel, but not past. Swing smooth - easy tempo. Shift your weight to the right. Coil around your left leg. Extend your backswing. Drive your hips. Make a big shoulder turn. Extend down the target line. Clear your hips. Keep your head down. Keep your head down. Keep your head down. All this, and you haven't even hit the stupid ball yet!
If you try to focus on that list, you will likely not even hit the ball - you will be paralyzed from too much information. At some point (after you have learned the basics), you just have to trust your swing. Sometimes it works out good. Sometimes not. But in the end, trusting your swing allows you to enjoy the game - enjoy the people you are with, the beauty of the course, hear the sounds, smell the smells, see the sights - even if the scorecard doesn't show what you'd wish. But, you have to trust your swing. Our relationship with God is much the same - we have to trust Him - or else we can't enjoy life this side of heaven.
Post chemo, Julie has gone through an emotional mountain climb. Now that her head is clear from the chemo (mostly at least), she's in a place where she is going back over every detail of her diagnosis, surgery, care, recovery, chemo, etc. and asking herself "why?" a lot. A lot. She has done hours and hours and hours of research on what caused it, asked "why me", asked "could it have been prevented?", researched what can help prevent it from coming back, and processed a thousand other questions. There is so much information overload - so much that it can be paralyzing. We are to a point where we are trying to just let go of the past - give it to Jesus - and get on with, and enjoy, the future.
There seems to, once again, be light at the end of the tunnel. God is good, in the midst of the fire. Julie is doing very good. Her spirits are up, she is becoming a Pilates expert, and her hair is rapidly growing back...growing in some funky patterns, but growing back nonetheless. Hair = Happy.
We had a great time at Disneyland celebrating getting through cancer to this point. Here is a picture (and the first one published of Julie since she cut her hair back in September) of our adventure:
Things at work are slowly picking up, and Sarah has decided on where she will be living and studying the next four years. She has chosen TCU (Texas Christian University) - which is in Fort Worth, TX. 786 miles, 12.3245 hour drive (not that I've calculated it or anything). Hannah is doing awesome and is looking forward to her end of the year dance performance on June 2.
We also got a good report from the oncologist. We had our first post chemo visit two weeks ago, and all signs are good and her blood counts are all moving in the right direction. The final reconstruction surgery is scheduled for next friday. We will have oncologist visits every 90 days for the first two years. They can make one a bit anxious, so that is a good prayer point. Our next visit is scheduled in early July.
We covet your prayers and friendship. Thank you all for being so faithful! Remember...Jesus loves you this I know, for the Bible tells me so! He loves you more than you can imagine. He loves you just the way you are, but also loves you too much to let you stay there. Let go and enjoy the journey!
