There is a song that we sing in church that I am not particularly fond of. Not because the words are not true, but because it's largely the same words over, and over, and over again. The song is "God I'm Amazed By You", by Lincoln Brewster. I am now confident that we can (and maybe should) just stop at the title.
The Background: Since late June/early July, Julie has been struggling with severe hives. Big, honkin', red, all over you body welt-like hives. Not pretty, and extremely uncomfortable. They have been severe enough to cause serious concern about her throat closing. Since then, she has seen about 7 doctors, stopped taking all endocrine/hormonal therapy drugs, all other post-chemo drugs, all vitamins, and walks around with epi pens in her purse. Just in case. She has added a cadre of antihistamines (4 at last count) and heavy doses of prednisone (ugly steroid), topical steroid, and another oral steroid...all to very little benefit.
The Prognosis: All those doctors have all said about the same thing: "we really don't know much about what causes hives, and really don't have any idea what is causing yours." Her oncologist said that out of over 2,000 patients she has treated for cancer, she has only had 2 that have had "immune issues resulting from chemotherapy", and only one that has had hives (that one being Julie). Her theory, however, was that she was allergic to a drug that Julie switched to once she started taking tamoxifen.
The Process: One thing that was very interesting in this process was watching all the doctors and how they interacted. The oncologist had one perspective. The immunologist a different one. The internal medicine (GP) had his own theory, the dermatologist another. And, they all had different treatments. One was trying to get to the root cause, another to address the symptoms, and another to just help with dealing with the reality of swelling and itching all the time.
The God Story: This past Thursday, we went back to the oncologist for another visit. For the first time in nearly 4 months, her hives have started to abate. The theory of the allergic reaction to one drug seems to be correct, although we need to wait another month to make sure. During this whole process, I've prayed like I've never prayed before. I've prayed over her every night, laid hands on her, had prayer teams pray over her, had those gifted in healing pray over her...all to no avail. It's been very frustrating, and at times has tried my resolve and confidence in prayer. God, are you there? Are you listening? Do you care? How about a little break here!
As we were standing in the doorway of the patient room, saying goodbye and thank you to Dr. Kim, she paused and said something quite profound. She said that this was a very difficult case, one she had not seen, and in consulting with the other doctors, one they had not seen. She looked at us and said that Julie has been able to teach them - teach them to work better together, teach them how to look for this issue and how help other people who might have it. "We are the students and you have been the teacher", she said.
Then, while walking out to the car, it hit us both. At the same time. This journey we are on is not about us (surprise, surprise). These awful hives and their side effects are not about us. We have declared that we are His and have committed ourselves to do what He calls us to do, even when that's not fun, comfortable or easy.
It "not being about us" is a feeling we have had from the very beginning of this cancer journey. And God has shown himself, once again, to be sovereign. To have the situation under control. To have a higher and better purpose than we could imagine. To make "good lemonade" out of the "bad lemons" that come because of sin.
And, we are humbled to be part of someone else's journey. To be used by God to reach others in ways we could never ask or imagine. God, I'm amazed by you. God I'm amazed by you. God I'm amazed by you... Yeah, we can just stop at the title.
