Christmas Cookies

Here is a "guest" blog post from Julie!

Has anyone been baking this season?  Made any good cookies lately?  This is how it goes when I bake cookies...

 FIrst, I have to sample the batter a few times to make sure it is just right.  I like raw cookie dough better than the final baked cookie.  Then, when the cookies are finally in the oven they smell so good that you can't wait for them to come out so you can sink your teeth into a warm and gooey bite of deliciousness.  Check once, not done yet.  Check twice - still pretty raw in the center.  Check yet another time - well, maybe they will finish cooking on the cooling rack.  After all, a slightly underdone cookie is far better than a slightly overcooked one.

So, I take them out early and scoop them off of the cookie sheet onto the cooling rack.  Because the cookie is most likely undercooked and it is most certainly steaming hot - it sort of smushes up on the spatula when I try to move it from the sheet to the rack.  What to do with a shushed cookie on your spatula?  Only one thing, my friends, only one option.  You have to eat it!  Lick it off of the spatala if necessary.  ( I have loads of clean utensils at the ready just for this reason)   Soooo.... I eat my first bite of warm and gooey deliciousness, and I burn my toungue!  I think it tastes good, but it's so dang hot that I can't really taste it.  So, I better try another one ( they are cool enough by now)  -and it's perfect!  Nirvana has been reached :)  The next batch goes in the oven and I repeat the cycle all over again.   

I love to bake.  I love the whole process.  The dough, the mess, the smells, and the final product.  My impatience with the process of waiting for something to cook just adds to the fun of it all. Because I know the timer will eventually go off.  I know things will cook if I would leave the oven door closed long enough.  And I know the final product will be worth the wait.  ( even if it is smushed up on the spatula).

I have not loved the process of going throgh chemo.  I feel like the cookie dough.  Lots of ingredients go into a good dough and many of them are pretty distasteful on their own.  You have to really beat the dough to get it to come together - and that can't be fun.  Going under the beaters hurts.  Alot.  And then the heat of the oven is required to finish the process.  Ouch.  Intense heat hurts too.  Even more than the beaters.  

Finally, after much waiting and peeking, the timer goes off and a wonderful experience awaits.  Ahhhh... from raw eggs and flour and baking soda and butter comes a transformed gift.  It was worth the wait.  

I have my last chemo this Thursday, the 22nd.  I am every bit as impatient for this to be over as I am for the cookies to bake.  Even more so, because I now know how the cookie dough feels.  I have tried to hurry the process.  From begging God to just deliver me from this pit to begging the oncologist to not make me go through 6 chemo treatments, and then trying to negotiate a lower dose of chemo drugs...  nobody is smiling at my pleas for mercy.  The cookie won't cook in 5 minutes and I am not getting out of 6 full on chemo treatements.  

I know that when I am done with this process I will be changed.  Not just physically, but in every aspect of my life.  You can't go through something like this without some pretty big changes.  I no longer resemble raw ingredients.  Being beaten and cooked has made me a better person.  I appreciate things so much more than I did before.  I take very little for granted.  And I love my life more than ever.  And the timer hasn't even gone off yet!

I don't know how I am going to end up when I am done.  Only God knows that.  And He hasn't burned anything yet.  So, I wait for the final treatment with a mix of impatience and trust.  I know it will be worth the wait.  And I'm hungry!!!  

Tomorrow is the LAST chemo!!! please pray for:

• Complete healing
• Zero side effects
• Good blood numbers so we can do the last chemo
• Wisdom on post chemo treatment choices
• Favor in scheduling follow up surgeries for port removal and final reconstruction

Merry Christmas!!

83.33% Done

Statistically speaking, we're almost there: 5/6th complete. Emotionally speaking - we're so thankful we are almost there. Physically speaking - we can't wait until we are there.

Julie had chemo #5 yesterday.  So far, it has gone well, certainly better than last time. Thank you for the prayers, they are making a huge difference!

We spent a lot of time talking with Dr. Kim about what lies ahead, post chemo. There is a fairly long list of things to contemplate and take care of, including:

• Scheduling the removal of the chemo port (Julie is trying to do the same day or the day after her last chemo, which will be on the 22nd of December).
• Talking with a radiation specialist for consultation (while we don't believe we will do radiation, we will probably at least talk to the guy).
• Preparing for 10 years of endocrine therapy, which includes shifting some of her long-term medications in preparation for starting tamoxifen. 
• Making some key decisions on ovary removal, which has impact on the type of endocrine therapy she does.
• Scheduling reconstruction surgery, which ultimately depends on if she will do radiation or not. We have a consultation meeting set up for the 28th of December.
• Growing her hair back :-)

Julie will be going to see Dr. Kim every three months for the first year, then every six months for the next two years, then once a year after that.  She will continually do blood tests, physical exams and likely some ultrasounds for the rest of her life.

Many people have asked me if the chemotherapy treatment is "working". The short answer is, we have no idea. Beyond blood tests (and perhaps ultrasound tests), there are no real test to determine if there are any small pockets of cancer cells (that may grow into tumors).  In order for cancer to show up on a PET (or similar scan), she'd have to have about 1 million aggregated cancer cells. Cancer cells show up "hot" on the scan and small amounts of cells don't generate enough "heat" and therefore don't show up.

Her entire treatment regiment is based on a longitudinal standard of care - determined largely by mathematical formulae based on her age; type, stage and grade of cancer; and family history. Dr. Kim has given Julie an aggressive form of treatment, ostensibly to give her the highest probability of long term survival. But in the end, its all based on statistics - you don't really know if the chemotherapy has destroyed every cancer cell or not. Nor do you really ever know if will come back. 

However, we don't live in fear. We live in victory! It's all based on God's plan.  He know how many days she (and all of us) will be on this earth — Exactly how many breaths we will take. We put our full hope and trust in Him. We trust and believe he has completely healed her - and He gets all the glory. And, we have plans to fully enjoy every day He chooses to give us.

This coming week will be a low one as Julie bounces back from the steroids, chemo and all the meds. Its cold in Colorado now, so its a good time to stay inside and enjoy the Christmas decorations. Please continue to pray against bad side effects!

Blessings to all in this magical season of celebration!

Black Friday

Who came up with that name anyway - Black Friday?  

Shopping with 40,000 of your closest friends

As an old accountant, I get the metaphor - lots of sales drive revenues and put retailers in the "black" side of the ledger (that'd be the positive side for all you non-accountants out there). Julie and I ventured out for about a half an hour yesterday, we got a few things at two stores, then rushed home to avoid the insanity (though it was so nice to just be out together!)  Based on our limited experience, I doubt it will be "black" for most retailers.


Sadly, I think the black is now a better description for people's hearts. I read this morning how ugly people can be.  One woman used pepper spray on fellow shoppers to get an "advantage" at a Walmart — she was after the $100 off an X-Box and of course there was a limited quantity, so a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do, right? Sigh. Hopefully she is now "doing" time in the slammer.


The phrase itself stirs up the memory of blackest of Fridays — Christians call it "Good Friday" — the day that Christ was crucified for all (all of us, and all of our sins - past, present and future). That historical event has the happiest of endings - the empty tomb, the risen Savior, and the promise of defeat of our enemy in the end (the cliff notes version of Revelation = we win).


It seems such a odd juxtaposition to have the busiest shopping day of the year the day after the celebration of Thanksgiving. Sadly most Americans have forgotten how that "day off work to eat a lot of food" came about.  It was, of course, declared a national holiday by President Abraham Lincoln in October, 1863 (just before his famous Gettysburg Address by the way). Click here to read it: Thanksgiving Day Proclamation


It definitely worth reading (as are most things Lincoln wrote) - whether for the first time or the 100th. The country was in the midst of the Civil War - torn apart from North to South. I doubt many people felt like celebrating anything. Yet Lincoln, in his wisdom, exhorts the country to set aside "a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens". 


While I can't relate to the horror that was the Civil War - we are in the midst of our our little war against that most insidious disease: cancer. This was a special Thanksgiving celebration for us this year. We have much to be thankful for. It is frequently in the trials of life that we find how much the little things in life matter. How grateful we are for the simple things in life, the truth that we are able to take a another breath - live another day - share another meal - give another good night kiss. In the midst of all the challenges of life during this season, we are so thankful to God, our "beneficent Father", for each hour we have together as a couple...as a family. 


This year, I am particularly thankful for Julie; for God's healing power in her life, and for how well she is doing in this journey. For her perseverance, her joy, her ministry, her testimony and her love. 


And, we are so very thankful for the grace God has shown us, and the amazing blessings we have received from all of you.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!


Next Friday, the 2nd of December, is chemo #5. The last one was not good.  Not good at all. So, we are asking for specific prayer against the side effects. We believe a good percentage of the issues are coming from the steroids she takes the day before, the day of, and the day after chemo. The doctor is not going to change the dosage or the regiment (and yes, we did ask), so we need to counter them some other way - and the best way I know, is to pray against it.


It turns our Sarah and I will not be traveling to Texas for auditions on the 3rd, so we will be here to help take care of Julie - praise God!  Also, Sarah had her wisdom teeth out last Monday, and we would appreciate prayer for her speedy recovery.  


God is good. All the time.

The End Is Near

No, I don't mean the apocalypse, and no I don't subscribe to Harold Camping's perspective (or his newly revised perspective, or the one that will come after his newly revised perspective passes). 

However, we are taught in 1 Peter 4:7-10 that: "The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. Above all, love each other deeply for love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in in various forms."


As I have been reflecting on this passage, several things have come to mind:


When you are face to face with cancer, you can't help but think the unpleasant thought that the end, the physical end here on earth, may be nearer than you'd wish. Yet, when you get to this stage in the process - 4 down two to go - your mind turns more to the practical application of the phrase - the end (of chemo) is near (and that's hugely positive).


It's really the rest of the passage that has me thinking. Peter is telling us to act on the fact that the end of all things is near.  And, from a heaven perspective, I guess that's true, since heaven is eternal and our time on earth is quite short. It's certainly true from an individual perspective.  And, because of that truth, we are to act a certain way.


The amazing — truly amazing — thing to watch is how these things are happening within our family, and within the body of Christ, every day. We've never prayed so much in all our lives (and I'm sure never been the recipients of so much prayer). We've never loved each other more deeply than we do right now. Dozens and dozens of people have joyfully provided hospitality to us - and each does what they can, with the gifts God has given them. Some provide food. Some battle with prayer. Some provide yard work, others provide rides for our kids. It's not prescriptive - people are doing what God puts on their hearts to do. Every little (and big) thing helps - and God gets the glory. 


God's Word it truly "living and active". What a privilege to be a part of it - to experience it real time. We are humbled beyond words.


A quick update:  Tuesday was the beginning of a turn around - Julie started feeling less of the side effects and was able to get out of the house yesterday and today. The next round of chemo (#5) is scheduled for Friday, December 2. I will be leaving for a short trip with Sarah for auditions at TCU (for acceptance into their musical theatre program) on the 3rd, so my sister Lori is coming to stay with Jules.  Given the challenges with the last chemo, I am very concerned about being gone, but she will be in good hands.


Sarah has surgery to have her wisdom teeth removed next Monday - so please pray for the surgery and a quick recovery. 


Also, please continue to pray for those who are suffering with this terrible disease and don't have the amazing cadre of friends and family that we are privileged to have. Many don't have anyone in their corner - and may don't know Jesus. They need our prayers and our gifts more than ever!


Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. They are truly allowing us to get through this!


Blessings to all.

66% Done

4/6ths , otherwise known as 2/3rds. 4 down, 2 to go... Thursday was chemo #4.  


The good news: her blood counts were good enough to administer chemo.  Her red blood cell count was 10.1 (down from 10.7 last time), and its highly likely next time it will be below 10. After asking Dr. Kim what that means, it's likely next time she will have to take an iron/B-vitamin booster shot prior to chemo...but she won't have to delay chemo, which is really good news.


The post chemo effects are starting to wreak their havoc earlier.  Its usually 24-48 hours before she has significant effects, but this time, she started getting them within 2 hours of taking chemo.  I guess the longer you go, the more the body gets more worn down before chemo starts.  She is, however continuing to do a good job managing them.  The next 7 days will be the critical ones.


Jules is quite tired, has no appetite, food and liquid taste horrible, and she is working hard at managing the GI issues that come with both the chemo and the meds.


Dr. Kim also mentioned that her liver enzymes are elevated (not exactly sure what that is, but it showed up on her blood work). While its "normal" for chemo patients to have elevated figures, its something that she will need to monitor very closely.


Hannah and I went to see Sarah's play that she is stage managing (Arthur Miller's All My Sons), it was a nice father/daughter date, despite the depressing plot of the play.


Please continue to pray for good blood counts (liver and red-blood cell), increased strength, ability to enjoy food, courage, and joy. Also, if you remember, please pray for  my sister who is in the Philippines with her youngest son on a missions trip.


Thank you for your continued diligence in praying and practical help (food, etc.) Both are making an enormous difference. God is showing up hourly! Thank you also for prayers for my work...once again God showed up and sent two potential clients to us out of the blue...His provision is so amazing. Please continue the prayers!


Blessings to all...I'll update everyone in a few days or so.

Pre Chemo Update

Hello everyone

We wanted to provide a quick update - its been a little hectic lately, so sorry we haven't updated everyone.  

The past few weeks have been busy with life activities.  We passed a huge milestone - Sarah finished and submitted her first set of college applications. The next step is auditions for acceptance into performing arts/theatre programs. She has been very busy with her senior year and the latest theatre performance, which she is stage managing. Hannah is extremely busy with school and dance, writing papers, doing science projects, and having fun along the way. Some days, life seems to be flying by, other days it seems to drag on forever.

We've had some amazing answers to prayer the past week or so. Julie has been doing remarkably well (considering), and her "full time job" of staying as healthy as possible and avoiding side effects has had remarkable results.  This past week, which is normally her "good" week, she has actually been able to stop almost all of her medications. No nausea meds, no pain meds, no stomach meds. She has been able to manage the side effects well with diet, chiropractic, acupuncture, lots of water and lots of prayer! Amazing.

This Thursday is Round 4 of chemo. So, we are preparing for the next low period, which will last until the 19th or 20th.  We are looking forward to Thanksgiving - which will be after her blood counts start to rise and her energy is back up a bit.

Specific Prayer Requests:

• Dr. Kim (oncologist) is a bit concerned about her red blood cell counts - specifically her iron count. The threshold for her to be able to take chemo Thursday is 10. When we started chemo, her red blood cell number was 14, then 12, and was 10.7 last time. So please pray her blood counts are in the right range.  We don't want to have to delay chemo or have to go through an infusion to try to elevate her counts.
• For encouragement and strength in this next cycle.
• For strength and energy for me

Thanks all!

'Twas The Night Before Chemo

Given it's snowing here in Colorado today (it was 75 yesterday!), I thought I'd put a twist on this favorite Christmas Poem by Clement C. Moore (at least as tradition tells it...)

'Twas the night before chemo and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse. The meds were all given and provided with care, in hopes that the side effects would not be there.

The children were still not quite ready for bed, exhausted from homework swimming round in their heads . And Momma in her cap to keep her head warm, had just got to bed after setting her alarm...


When suddenly in the closet there arose such a clatter, I dragged my butt out of bed to see what was the matter.  Away to the bathroom I stumbled about, tripped over the dog and the shoe and stuffed trout. The nightlight was on but not giving much light, as I looked around to see what was not right. And what to my bleary eyes should appear, but a pile of of drugs falling quite near.


Ondansetron, Protonix, Lidocane Cream; Phenotil, Lorazapam coming down in a stream. There was Zolpidem, Claritin and Celebrex too, Diazapam, Decadron — a drug dealer's dream. Finally Vicodin, Paxil and Senokote S, look out here comes more of her pain tablets!


And then in a twinkling I heard in the hall, my daughter asking softly, "Dad, did you fall?" As I poked out my head and was turning around, I tripped on the bottles and fell to the ground. I was in my pajamas all bruised and upset, and I tried to get up and get back to my rest. A bundle of drugs lay strewn on the floor and I looked like a convict caught robbing the store.


My eyes how they sagged, my knee green and blue; my stomach in knots trying not to look at the clock. For I knew that tomorrow would be a long day, back to bed I tried hard to make my way.


I started to grind what was left of my teeth, when I thought of tomorrow and what Julie must meet. I gazed at her sleeping and smiled so bright; how beautiful she looked before her next fight.


She was peaceful and calm, knowing God is in charge, and I laughed when I thought of Him who's so large. A Word from His book and a meal from a friend, gives us hope and encouragement right to the end.


I spoke not a word, but went straight back to bed, and I prayed and thanked Him for keeping us fed. For His grace and his mercy and joy in the midst, of a challenging time where we do clench our fists.


Tho' tomorrow be hard, we do not live in fear, and we're grateful for each day that we have on this sphere. We know not our last day, but there's joy on the way....We live in the promise of his victory today.

50% Done

Not sure why, but I have the chorus to Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" going through my head.  

"....whoa-oh, we're half-way there. Oh-oh, livin on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it I swear. Oh-oh, livin on a prayer." Yeah, I'm totally dating myself, I know.

This has been a good week.  Today was chemo #3. 3rd out of 6. 50%. She is half-way there! We moved it to today because yesterday, the 20th, we celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary.  It was a sweet time together. I took the day off, and we hung out together.  We went out for lunch - and it was was very nice to just be together, relaxed and reflecting upon the past year.  

Every year on our anniversary we do a review of the past year, and seek God's wisdom for what we should be focused on for the next year.  We try to set 3-5 verses that are our verses for the next year, and pray that the Lord would continue to teach us, bless our marriage and our children, and that we would all grow closer to him. Well, that prayer has certainly been answered in the past 4 months!

This year's plan was kinda simple. For two reasons. The first is that we just got back from a marriage retreat and we spent lots of time talking about our plan for next year. The second is that we both felt that the Lord was telling us that this next year is about getting back to what is core - back to the basics. So, it will be a rebuilding year.

Chemo went well today. The process is easier because it's familiar. The physicality is not any easier, but it's not getting worse either. This is a definite answer to prayer. Julie's red blood cell count is down - and while this is not a problem yet, it could be. It's been steadily dropping since the test she had right before the first chemo treatment. She is at 10.7 and if it gets below 10, Dr. Kim will have to do some supplemental treatments for iron deficiency. So, please pray for good counts the next three weeks. She also recovered from a urinary tract infection which sprung up late last week.

Julie's next chemo treatment is November 10.  This should give her a chance at feeling reasonably good for Thanksgiving. We have much to be thankful for this year for sure.

Our family continues to carry on in the midst of the trial. The girls are busy at school. Hannah is dancing 3 days a week and Sarah is spending lots of extra time applying to colleges. Work for me has been quite challenging recently - sadly we had to lay 3 people off this week which was extremely difficult. Please pray for them.

Specific prayer requests:

• Please pray Mark 16:18 for Julie
• That the side effects would be minimal the next 10 days
• Wisdom for Julie in making decision on how to care for herself
• Physical strength and avoidance of any infection
• Perseverance and joy in the midst of the trial

We deeply appreciate everyone's prayer, support, practical help, meals, etc...They all mean so much.  Thank you all for who you are and how you have come along side us.

Proud Husband

I know we are not supposed to be proud, but I just can't help it. I am so proud of Julie.


Proud of how well she is managing this process.  True to her character, she is doing absolutely everything she can to manage her treatment, her side effects, her mood, her approach, her parenting, her wife-ing. And, she is doing an amazing job.


She could be sitting around, sleeping, moaning, grousing, poor-me-ing. She's not.


She is studying, learning, trying, working, and yes a lot of resting and healing.  Here are a few of the things she is doing:

• She is staying spiritually strong by being in the Word, listening to praise and worship music, praying blessings over herself, doing spiritual restoration through splankna, praying with me, reading scripture aloud. 
• She is staying physically as strong as she can, she is going to physical therapy, to the chiropractor, to the acupuncturist (which, by the way has had her 2 days in a row with no pain or nausea meds - unbelievable). She is also trying to get some physical exercise with her walks.
• She is staying engaged with everyday life - helping the girls and I, doing a few chores where she can.  She is researching treatment, healing, foods she should be eating, studying how to reduce risk of recurrence through lifestyle. 

In short - she is amazing!  Thank you for the prayers and support - keep them coming!

Here is a note from Julie:

Hi all!

Thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers and for sending sweet notes on FB and through my email.  I love hearing from you and knowing that you haven't forgotten about me.  It's hard to really sit on the sidelines and watch life go by, but that is where I am right now.  Although it may not look like I am doing anything, but I am actually pretty busy with  healing.  Busy has a new look!

 

I am spending as much time as possible in prayer.  My mind is not as sharp as it once was ( and will be again) so my prayers are not long or eloquent.  But they are from my heart and I know that God hears the simple prayers along with the more formal or thought out ones.  Sometimes I read the same Psalms over and over again.  I can't seem to move on from Psalm 103 and Psalm 63. When I get really crazy I move over to 2 Corinthians and hang out there for awhile.  Wild times, my friends, wild times!

 

Healing from chemo takes an enormous amount of energy. I am always tired.  I often have headaches and can't read or type.  This is very sad for me since I love to read and write.  But, I can almost always sleep, and for some strange reason, I can still find solace in retail therapy.  I know, I know, I promised to find another hobby, but I am just looking and not actually purchasing anything.  I am also going to physical therapy to regain my range of motion (limited from the mastectomy) and seeing my wonderful chiropractors, an acupuncturist, a counselor (therapist might be the right word here) and exercising everyday.  Exercise has a new look also!  I will never again make fun of the pink and green 2 and 3 pound weights.  I have been humbled.  Greatly humbled. 

 

My camera is here and it takes beautiful pictures. I haven't actually turned it on yet - but Steven has the whole thing figured out and is ready to teach me as soon as my brain kicks in.  I am so grateful when he can step in and pick up my pieces or figure things out for me.  As I mentioned, I am in such a quiet place inside that not much is getting done on the outside.  Steven has been very patient with me and knows that I am doing my best. We also have had so many delicious meals delivered and we are beyond grateful for that provision in our lives.  While I can exist on oatmeal and melted cheese on pretzel thins, my family cannot.  So, life goes on and meals are enjoyed and pictures are taken while I rest and pray.  

 

When a friend tells me that they are praying, I always send a prayer for extra blessings for that person. I know that praying for a friend, or a stranger, can be a sacrifice and I ask the Lord to bless that sacrifice and expand His Kingdom. So, please know that every bit of love and encouragement you send to me is treasured, and every prayer you pray is multiplied.  I will write when I can.  When I can't, remember how precious you all are.  Love to each of you.

High Viscosity

Molasses. Peanut Butter. Sludge. Motor Oil. Honey. Quicksand. 6 feet of snow.


Pick your favorite semi viscous liquid - it doesn't matter. It feels like we are running (Ok, walking), in any one of them.  Some days it feels like we are walking through all of them.


On one hand, we feel like we have come so far — the initial tests, the diagnosis, the doctor shopping, two surgeries, bad news after bad news, reconstruction, starting chemo, hair loss, emotional distress, a million side effects.  Yet on the other, it feels like we have so far to go. Each week the viscosity seems to get thicker and it seems harder to trudge along.


With every chemo treatment, our prayer is that the side effects will lessen, that she will remain strong, and of course that every spec of cancer will be removed. So far, the side effect prayer has not been answered.  Julie has 2 down and 4 to go.  The current regiment has her last treatment on December 22. In the grand scheme of things, thats a little over three months, and we like to say "we can do anything for 3 months". 


Easier said than done, however.


Julie's spirits are good. Her (our) walk with the Lord is strong. Our relationship is closer than it has ever been. And, she is so beautiful - she glows even though she feels awful. Yet, the enemy is on the offensive. It's still easy to get discouraged, and its easy to get stuck in at how hard this really is. But we remain steadfast. God is good. All the time. He has blessed us, and continues to do so in ways we don't understand or deserve.


Julie has been struggling with some side effects - managing the nausea, pain, bad taste in the mouth, gastrointestinal issues, thrown into menopause, susceptibility to infection, bloody noses, tiredness...it takes its toll. They know me by name at Walgreens.


She has so appreciated people reaching out to her through Facebook, email and texting.  Please know she is getting your communications, but she has had some trouble reading and writing on the computer and her phone, so she has not been able to get back to everyone quickly. She loves you all and will do so eventually.


Many of you have asked how the girls are doing. While that is a bit of a complicated question, overall they are doing well. Hannah is fully engaged in school and dance (and loving it). Sarah is  buried in her senior year, preparing college applications and performing in theatre. Tonight is the Homecoming dance (and they even won their football game!). So, overall they are doing well and leading normal, busy lives. Julie is doing all she can to be part of what they have going on, but misses not being able to be fully engaged as their mom. We are all looking forward to that!


Specific prayer requests:

• Please pray for physical strength and elimination of the side effects. This has been quite the struggle.
• Pray for emotional strength
• Pray for courage and determination and against discouragement (for all of us)
• Pray for protection against infection.  It snowed here in CO today. Cold and flu season is upon us and the girls spend 6 hours a day in petri dishes
• Say a prayer of thanksgiving for the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon us with family, friends and angels who have and continue to help us through this journey. 
• Please pray that the Lord will continues to reveal himself to us, walk with us day by  day, hour by hour, minute by minute. 
• Lastly, there have been some particularly large challenges at work. If the Lord puts that on your heart, I'd certainly appreciate praying for his blessings on the work front.

Thanks for all your prayers and support!

33.33% Done

Julie is 1/3 of the way to the finish line! Well, the chemotherapy finish line at least.


This past week has been such a mixture of wonderful, sad, refreshing, hard and happy moments. We had the privilege last weekend to attend a marriage retreat at Sonrise Mountain Ranch, in Cimarron, CO. We went with some dear friends and had an amazing time. The normal 5 hour drive took us nearly 7 & 1/2 as we meandered our way through some beautiful Colorado locales, stopped for lunch and enjoyed God's amazing creation.


The retreat itself was very, very good. The location is such that there is zero cell phone coverage. No email. No texts. No Internet. No nothin. It was awesome. The accommodations were fantastic, we had our own cabin, the setting was serene and perfect.   Here are a few photos:

This is the view as you enter the Cimarron valley

Nice little nature trail that flanks the property

It was very serene!

So cute!

In my element

View from the lodge out onto a small lake

Matt and Chantal, the husband and wife team who run the center, are fantastic people - we feel like we made lifelong friends. I highly recommend it for any couple - newly married or old veterans. 


During the weekend, Julie began to rapidly lose her hair. It was a very emotional situation. Thankfully, I had packed my hair shaving equipment and during our 4 hour afternoon alone time on Saturday, I took on the task of shaving Julie's head. We played "Beautiful" by Mercy Me.  We both cried a lot and laughed a little, but in the end, it was a sweet, intimate time together. For the record, I'd make a lousy hair dresser. I think I picked the right career path! And for the record, it is amazing how beautiful Julie is without hair. It really allows  you to focus on her face and the great features the good Lord provided her. Her smile lights up the room more than it ever did before. 


Today was chemo treatment #2. Sadly, I was flying back from CA and didn't arrive until after she was done, but our dear friend Becky took Julie and sat with her through the whole treatment.  The regiment was about the same, but this time, they do a blood test and the oncologist evaluates Julie's ability to take the chemo treatment. Her blood counts were good - white cells were normal and red were just a little low. She was cleared for treatment and endured another several hours of dripping poison into her body.


This next week we expect to be much like the last one She will be very tired, nauseous, and a bit lethargic, but the second time through should be easier - she knows what to expect and how to deal with things better than before.


Julie's prayer has been from 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such a as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." That is indeed our prayer.


Thank you all for your prayers and support!

The Tortoise and the Hare

Who doesn't remember this famous fable by Aesop.  The moral of the story of the Tortoise and the Hare is of course: slow and steady wins the race. 

Battling cancer, like life and the race the Hare ran, is truly a journey. There are always mountains and valleys, fields of green and deserts, blizzards and warm sunny days. And while overall Julie is doing very well, this portion of our journey is particularly challenging. Not necessarily for physical reasons, although there are lots of physical challenges. (And memory challenges for me, there are so dang many medicines she is, and can be on, its really hard to keep them straight). 

  

But, emotionally, this is a lot like "The Waiting Place". Do you remember the waiting place?  Its from Oh, The Places You'll Go! (for more on why I love this book, see this post: Seussisms). The waiting place is..."A most useless place...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come, or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow, or waiting around for a yes or a no or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants, or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.

In our case, it's waiting for the pain to come, or waiting for the hair to go, or waiting for a dose of drugs, or a walk to help, or the nausea to slow. Waiting for the prayer to lift, or the weight to shift, the fatigue to stop or the next shoe to drop.

The process of breaking the body down, then allowing it to build back up only to break it down again is extremely wearing on the emotions.  We have both felt like we as a family have been under emotional spiritual attack and would very much appreciate prayers in that area.

To help in "the waiting place", Julie is trying to do several things.  The first it that she is spending a lot of time in prayer and study, and really leaning on the Lord. She has several books that have been very helpful. The second is that we have purchased a decent camera and she is going to learn more about photography and how to use iPhoto. In addition, she has been starting to exercise more, and is going to physical therapy. And the last is, somewhat sadly, retail therapy. The packages are starting to arrive. Be very afraid.

This is an exciting weekend.  We are going away to a marriage conference - it's at a retreat center in Cimarron, CO. 1/2 way between here and nowhere.  It's nestled in the mountains and we are very much looking forward to getting away for a few days.  Please pray for our time away, and for the girls who will be in the care of others.

The next chemotherapy treatment is September 29th. I will just be returning from an out of town trip, and a friend will be taking Julie to chemo on that day.

We are prayerfully living in the reality of "slow and steady wins the race". We are greatly encouraged by friends (especially the visits by friends that have been so encouraging to Julie), by prayer and the presence of the Lord. Thanks be to Him is able to do immeasurable more than we can ever ask or imagine.

Race For The Cure Update

Sunday was race day.


The day started off a bit rocky (and very early at 4:30am), but we prayed for a miracle and got one! Julie was able to muster up the energy to get to the race and while she didn't walk, she was there to see so many friends who came out in support of breast cancer.


The event itself was amazing. There were over 7,300 people at the event and it raised over $100,000 locally. Our team had 49 members and raised over $1,000! Thank you so much to everyone who participated - both financially and physically.


The day started with breast cancer survivors releasing balloons into the incredibly blue Colorado sky:

The 5K run started at 8:00, then the 5K walk started at 8:15, followed by the family 1K walk.  Hannah, her friend Morgan and I did the 5K walk.  Here are some photos:

Hannah and Morgan (Thing 1 and Thing 2) on the 5K walk

Sarah signing Morgan's shirt

Garden of The Gods Park is beautiful

Steve sportin' the cool race shirt, team button and hat from Australia!

Nearing the finish line

We really had a great time. Julie did well given how she was feeling. The last two days she was very, very low, but is slowly progressing. 


The next chemo cycle is scheduled for the 29th of September. Julie will likely lose her hair this week or early next.  Please pray for emotional strength, both during the low physical times and of course during the hair loss. 


We rest on this promise: He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world.


Blessings to all

16.6% Complete

Sometimes the left side of my brain takes over.  


The left side, of course, is the analytical side.  The numbers, logic, rational, linear side of my brain. Given the emotional roller coaster we've been on, I think it needs a little exercise.


I told Julie today that she is almost 17% done with chemotherapy. 1 down, 5 to go. 1/6th of the way there. After next time, she will be 33% done. 2/6th; 1/3. Math is your friend.


Julie's first chemotherapy session was this past Thursday. It was an "interesting" experience. We went into the oncologist office as scheduled, spent 30 minutes in the waiting room, then went to see Dr. Kim. She did a quick exam, sent in three more prescriptions for managing side effects and "released" Julie for chemotherapy. There is no nurse to guide us, just a verbal instruction - "keep taking lefts and go through the double doors at the end of the hall".


We shuffle down the confusing corridor (am I the only one who finds doctors' offices confusing to navigate?). We get lost and ask directions. (Maybe we subconsciously got lost - the instructions were really not all that difficult.) There they were - the double doors to the chemo lab. We walk up to them, take a deep breath and I push the doors open.


We enter a large room with a long nurses' desk in front of us and a large square section to our immediate right, filled with Lazy Boy-like chairs. If they didn't have IV stands next to the chairs, it could have been a recreation room at a senior care center. The first thing I notice is how many chairs there are; that and and how close they are together. This is clearly not going to be a private activity.


We stand there for a minute, not exactly sure what to do or where to go. We shuffle our way over to the nurses' station and check in.  "Julie Maegdlin" we manage to eek out in a weak voice. "Oh yes, Julie. Take a seat and a nurse will be with you soon," the lady at the desk says and then goes back to work. Take a seat? Where? Which nurse will be over? When?


The room has a smattering of patients, some old, some not so old, sitting or reclining in chairs. I happen to notice that only two people have lost their hair. Not sure what to think about that. We awkwardly make our way through the sea of patients in chairs, some family members sitting with patients, IV stands, medical carts and nurses attending to various patients in search of a place to sit. "Should we sit here? No. How about here? Hmmm. Maybe over here?" It was very uncomfortable.


We settled in the far corner of the room where there were two comfortable looking chairs that look back into the room and at the nurses station, but has us staring directly at an older gentleman hooked up to an IV and huddled under a blanket, reclining in his Lazy Boy. Its the best option there is, so we sit down. And we wait. 10 minutes goes by. Nurses go to and fro. Nobody stops. Nobody says anything. Every patient, including the man in front of us has the same look. Our eyes meet, we kind share a knowing half smile, but don't exchange words. The obvious "so, what brings you in here?" question need not be asked. 


Finally a nurse wheels a cart over. "You must be Julie." "Yes," Julie replies. "How are you today?" (insert your own snarky response here. Julie was very polite.) How was your blood work?" "Well," we say, "they told us you were supposed to do her blood work". "Hmmm, I don't see the order. Let me go check."  Nurse goes away. Nurse returns.  "OK, we can do your blood work".  She struggles drawing blood - apparently there is kink in the tubing attached to port. Under her skin. "Move your head this way...maybe its stuck under your clavicle?...Oh, it happens all the time." Long story short, the blood starts flowing. The nurse draws the blood and starts to sort through IV bags. 


"We're going to start you on Herceptin today..." she starts to say. "Wait! She's not supposed to get Herceptin..." I almost yell.  "Oh, let me look. Hmmm. Yes, you are correct.  Let me go get her chart".  Heart pumping, wanting to jump out of my chair, I try to calm myself down. The nurse returns.  In my nicest voice I say, "This is her first time...can you explain exactly what you are going to be doing to her today?"  We get it all sorted out and she gets the IVs going.


Once we got settled in, it became a bit more comfortable.  Julie was drinking tons of water. I got her 3 cups of tea. She went to the bathroom 6 times. We actually say 5 words to the guy sitting across from us and his adult daughter. He's got 5 chemo drugs to go through. Yikes. Despite the awkwardness, she managed to get through 2 pre-chemo drugs (both for nausea) and then 2 hours of chemical insertion. And, in the end, she did AWESOME.


Next time will be much easier. It will be familiar and we will feel less awkward. Her next scheduled "treatment" is the 29th of September. Julie is managing through the side effects well. She is tired, has zero appetite and is a bit nauseous, but overall doing well. 


We are excited about the Race For The Cure on Sunday. Check out the post from last Saturday for details. Race For Cure Info Blog Post Today she took her Neulasta shot - to boost white blood cell and bone marrow- and it is her last day for the steroids, which help counter act the side effects. Please continue to pray for no side effects! She really wants to be at  Race For The Cure, and the Dr. said it would probably be one of her worst days.


I will update the blog again on Sunday, hopefully with some fun pictures of the Race.


God's richest blessings to all!

Chemo Treatment

2 days and counting.


Julie's first chemotherapy treatment is this Thursday, September 8. These last two weeks have been hard. Julie describes it as the "gorilla in the closet".  You know he is in there, and you don't want to go in the closet because you know you are going to get clobbered.  And, you've done everything you can to avoid the closet...worn wrinkled clothes, used every last t-shirt in the dresser...but eventually you have to face the gorilla (or walk around half naked).


We're really hoping and praying that the gorilla is more like the "gorilla in the mist", not King Kong.


We are as prepared as we can be, and maybe more than we should be:-).  We are all "learned" up on the treatment, the side effects, the medicines to counter the side effects, and even the medicine to counter the side effects of the side effect medicine! I am convinced that Julie is going to do awesome!


We have been in a concerted time of prayer and reflection, and we have both been camped on a number of powerful verses, many of them is Psalms. Psalm 103 has been particularly helpful. What an amazing set of verses, but especially verses 2-5 : "Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits — who forgives all  your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."


A few more that have been very helpful
Isaiah 41:13
Psalm 147:10-11
Proverbs 2:8
Jeremiah 29:11


While we are not looking forward to the next 5 months, we put our trust in the Lord, knowing he will carry us, knowing its just a season. We are so blessed to have so many of you praying for us.  Thank you. Please continue to pray for Julie during her chemo treatments - for minimal side effects, for strength, courage, and perseverance. May she be a shining light to others, and may the power of God within her be released to bless those around her.


I will update everyone again on Thursday.


Soli deo Gloria

Race For The Cure Information

Thank you so much for those of you who have already registered for the race and to those to who have expressed an interest and still need to register. Also, thank you to everyone who has financially sponsored us! We are so grateful for each of you.  

Here is a list of information that we hope you'll find helpful and/or necessary for the Race for the Cure on Sunday, September 11th at Garden of the Gods Park.   

Our team (Oh, The Places You'll Go!) will meet at the registration tent at 7:15am.  We will then hand out our team buttons and gather into groups.  You can choose to run the 5K at 8:00,  you can walk the 5K at 8:15, or participate in the 1K family walk at 8:45.  Event officials will direct you where to go at the appropriate time. We do not have plans to meet after the race so you can do your own thing.  

If want to get there early, the whole event starts at 6:00am, with an opening ceremony at 7:00.  Here is a link to the agenda: Race Day Schedule

You have many options for parking.  This is a well attended event so there will be lots of traffic. (Sorry!) Click on the link for further information:  Parking Map

For those of you who have not yet registered, or would like to add/bring someone else with you, there will be a registration tent at the event.  It costs $5.00 extra to register on that day.  Without the extra $5.00 fee on the day of the event adults are $30.00 and children ages 5-16 are $15.00.  You can also pre-register at Chapel Hills mall or the Citadel mall.  Here is the link for the specific locations and times at each location:  Registration and Packet Pickup Info

For those of you who have already registered, you need to pick up your race packet and shirt (make sure to go soon so they don't run out of your size).  You will do this at the same locations that you can register (see link immediately above) - most will probably want to pick up their packets at one of the two malls.

What else do you need to know?  You can call or email Julie or Steve or go the website at: Oh! The Places You'll Go Team Page  for answers. Also, here is a race FAQ: FAQs  We want to make this easy and fun for each of you.  

Thank you again and see you there!

Steve, Julie, Sarah, and Hannah