I distinctly remember May 1987, having just graduated from college and driving back to Chicago, crossing the Illinois river and being very happy that Peoria was in my rear view mirror. I quietly said to myself "I'll never go back there..." Little did I know that God had different plans. In fact, in October of 1990, I was back there — getting married to the woman God had specially picked out for me.
Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men. Or as Solomon said it in Proverbs 16:9 - "In his heart, a mans plans his course, but God determines his steps."
As Julie and I initially reflect upon 2011, it was a terrible year. Probably better said, a very difficult year. Probably the most difficult year that either of us have had to endure. Cancer and all that comes with it are at the top of the list. Yet, upon deeper reflection, 2011 was also an amazing year.
I am wont to compare things - and am constantly making virtual "Ben Franklins". For those of you not familiar with a Ben Franklin, it is a list; a list with good things (pros) listed on one side, and bad things (cons) listed on the other that are then used to compare if the good outweighs the bad. If it does, you move forward with whatever it is you are evaluating. If not, you should think twice about moving forward with it. So, because its my nature, here is the Ben Franklin for the year 2011.
The Bad:
June (was there anything that happened before June?) - Julie finds lump in her left breast on a Friday, about 12 hours before we leave for Hawaii. 4 days later, she is diagnosed with breast cancer.July - we interview and meet with what feels like a dozen doctors (breast surgeons, oncologists, reconstructive surgeons, general surgeons, anesthesiologists). Julie starts the long process of eradicating the cancer from her body, starting with double mastectomy surgery, and removal of 15 lymph nodes, one of which has cancer. We rush back to the hospital one day after coming home due to a spinal headache.
August - Julie recovers from surgery, finally has drains removed, starts the very painful process of finding and buying wigs for the inevitable loss of hair. We get the final diagnosis - stage IIB cancer that has metastasized. Julie also has a second surgery to remove "positive margin" around where the tumor was. This triggers 3 steps backwards for the reconstructive process. We have about 237 doctor appointments preparing for the next steps.
September - Chemo begins. Julie starts her every three week regiment for chemotherapy. Julie's hair falls out. She cries. A lot. Several significant issues appear at work for Steve and managing them plus what's going on at home is increasingly difficult.
October - we hit the "50% done" mark with chemo. Managing life becomes harder and harder. Julie's body is being pummeled by the drugs as the "therapy" kills good cells and bad cells alike. The drugs to minimize the side effects need drugs to minimize the side effects of the side effect drugs.
November - We continue to slog through chemo. Deadlines arrive for applications for colleges for Sarah. Work, home, college preparation, middle school, senior year in high-school, the physicality of drugs and the process is wearing emotionally and physically.
December - the end of chemo is in sight, two more treatments of tearing down, then begins the process of recovery and building back up. While its only been 6 months, it feels like 6 years.
The Good:
The good doesn't seem to follow a prescribed time line. We are blessed in amazing ways. Our dear friends the Ewings created a care calendar for people to sign up to bring us food and yard help. We are blessed by so many families with amazing meals that arrive just when we need them. Many thanks to these families (and I am sure I am missing some): Marble, Ewing, Wrights, Rice, Zablocki, Lloyd, Mendrop, Warren, Kuyper, Lee, Moore, Beebe, Grant, Wilson, Ankrum, Reca, Palmer, Fabatz, Filiatrault, Kyle, Kovach, Santos, Neville, Rubin, Maher, Roche, Deichman, Mayer, Ball, Weary, Carter, Johnson, Hoyle, Salas, Lane, Mauro, Crow, Meleski, Monahan, Hermstad, and I know many others.We are blessed to see the body of Christ in action. Prayers by literally thousands of people around the globe, many whom we don't even know. Emails of encouragement, words of wisdom, thoughts, practical help...it's amazing how many people come around us. We know we are experiencing a literal slice of heaven here on earth.
Julie and I spend a lot of time in the Word, praying with each other, praying for each other, growing closer to the Lord in ways I could never really explain - at least this side of heaven. We have done everything together the past 6 months, gone to every doctor visit, every treatment. It has been wonderful to just be with her, hold her hand, help her, pray with her. We have grown closer that I could ever imagine. We have also grown closer as a family - with everyone having to pitch in to help with the every day things of life. One thing is sure - I make a lousy mom!
Julie has done an enormous amount of research. Research on the recovery process, food, how to minimize recurrence, how to grow hair :-) Interestingly, all this is part of her passion for food and health, so she is learning what she loves to learn.
All in all - it has been exceedingly difficult. The road ahead is bright, but there is much yet to do. Julie has to finish her reconstruction, her hair has to grow back, she has 5-10 years of endocrine therapy, and we have to trust that the cancer is gone and won't come back. She has follow up appointments every 3 months for the next two years, then every 6 months for a year, then once per year once she hits 3 years cancer free.
In terms of the Ben Franklin; there is no way you would ever wish this on anyone. And, having gone through most of it, we would both say we wouldn't ever want to go through it again. Yet, there is so much good that has come out of it. For whatever reason, God chooses to use these situations that are part of a fallen world to grow us. We have grown in ways that we would never have grown without going through what we have gone through. We have deepened relationships, met new friends, and have gotten to focus on the things that are truly important in life - growing more like Christ and loving and serving others. So, all in all, in the end, the good outweighs the bad. God wins, and we are better for the experiences we have had. To Him be the glory, forever and ever.
This blog has been a huge blessing for both Julie and I - and we intend to keep on posting throughout 2012 as a way to keep everyone up to speed on Julie's recovery and share whatever the Lord puts on our hearts.
It is impossible to thank everyone for all your kindness, support, prayer and support. We know it's inadequate, but thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We love you all!
We are looking forward to 2012!
Julie and Steve
