A Global Perspective

I love traveling. Especially to foreign countries.


I have been privileged to have been on every continent except Antarctica - and I have no plans to go there. Ever. The best part of traveling globally is the people you meet. The Lord has blessed me with some amazing friendships all over the globe - from Egypt and South Africa, Australia and New Zealand, to Costa Rica, Malaysia, Singapore, the UK, France, and even Romania.


One of my favorite things is to pray and worship in a local language. It helps me appreciate how big God really is. And, it feels like a sliver of a glimpse of heaven. The other thing that I love is to learn about local cultures - customs, habits, food, communication, etc.  Its amazing to experience how different things can be, and yet, at the same time, how similar. Whether here in the good 'ol US of A, or in the jungles of Brazil, the deserts of north Africa, or the hustle and bustle of a huge metropolis in Asia - people are people. They all hurt. They all experience joy. They all have fears and aspirations, and wonder about the when and where and why and how of life.

We are not so different. We are not alone.

We had a huge blessing tonight. Some dear friends from all over the globe who are in Colorado Springs for a conference came over for a short visit and to pray with us. They are family to us. They may never know how much it blessed us. Well, at least this side of heaven they won't know.

It was incredibly humbling to be around such wonderful men and women of God. After their visit, I was reflecting on the quiet confidence they had in Julie's complete healing. They each have so many personal challenges they have been through. Some live in countries hostile to Christianity; most have had personal tragedy in their own lives. All have experience medical and familial issues. They live is worlds very different than the cushy lives we live here. Yet, their faith is unwavering. Their perspective refreshing. Their confidence in the Lord inspiring.

This past week was busy, and culminated with a visit to the oncologist office to get a deeper understanding of the chemo treatment regiment that Julie will start on September 8. They have come a long way in helping manage the side effects of chemo. I can't imagine going through it even 10 years ago.  A short list of the drugs that Julie will be taking to reduce the side effects of chemo (and some to reduce the side effects of the side effect drugs):

Decadron, Emla cream, Neulasta, Aloxy, Adavan, Valium, Celebrex, Vicodin, home-made mouthwash, Refresh Plus, Advil, stool softeners and lip balm...

On one hand it's overwhelming, on the other, it's comforting to know there is so much help out there to minimize the side effects. 

As we edge towards the 8th of September, we would appreciate prayers for courage, minimal side effects, strength and health for the rest of the family (we can't be sick as her immune system will be compromised), and joy in the journey. We continually pray for complete healing and that the cancer will never return.

September 11 is Race For the Cure - thanks to everyone who has signed up. If you can join us, please do!  Here is our team page:  Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. 

Thank you to everyone who has been so gracious to our family. For your friendship. your food, your help, your thoughts, and most importantly your prayers!

We are going to get through this and we will be stronger for it. Our marriage, our friendships, our relationship with the Lord. And while we are looking forward to having this all behind us, we don't want to miss a thing that God has planned for us in the midst of it. 

By the way - Sarah rocked her performance in Celebration on Friday and Saturday. She was amazing!

Blessings to all.

In Your Sweet Spot

A Guest Blog from Julie!

I love to watch Steve golf.  He is a good golfer, with the potential to be a great golfer.  His swing is fluid, he can drive the ball in a beautiful and long line, and he is the consummate gentleman on the course.  When the ball hits  the "sweet spot" of his club it makes the best sound, and he is so  happy.  I watch him and beam.  He is in his sweet spot of life.  

We all have our sweet spots of life.  Things we do outside of what we have to do.  As I think of you friends reading this, I think of many things that you all do.  Biking, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, running, drawing, golfing, swimming, diving, tennis, traveling, cooking, creating....  the list is long and beautiful ( kind of like Steve's drives off the tee).  I have my own sweet spots - cooking, taking long walks, and sleeping.  ( I'm only partially kidding about the last one!)   I have not been doing much of the first two favorites, and I have been perfecting the art of sleeping and resting. I miss cooking and baking and walking forever in the woods.  I know they will come again -and missing them will make them that much "sweeter" when that time finally arrives.

I have a friend who likes to golf, but can't drive the ball very far due to a shoulder problem.  She didn't want to give up on her passion, so she found a way to make it work.  She has perfected her short game.  She has made up for the lack of distance by becoming a fabulous putter.  Way to go!  

I am looking back at the summer that really wasn't a summer for us, and looking ahead at a pretty difficult fall filled with chemo and all it's effects.  What do I do about all of the things I can't do and miss so much?  Sleep through it?  No, I don't like that idea.  (althought sometimes I don't have a choice).  Whine about it and feel sorry for myself?  No, I don't like that either.  ( and I always have a choice on that one).  How about doing what my friend did with working on her short game when her long drives became impossible?  Can I somehow make adjustments to my game and still get the ball in the cup?  Can I still find my sweet spot?

I think I can.  Long walks may out of the equation for awhile, but I can still take short walks and be outside with the wind in my hair ( or wig, as it will be).  Sometimes walking to the mailbox can be a nice break from a boring day inside.  

How about cooking and baking?  We have had so many angels bring us dinners and desserts that I honestly don't even miss making dinners for my family.  We have been so blessed, and I am pretty sure Hannah will be sad when I start making dinners again.  She has loved and declared almost every meal her favorite!  But, I can still make pancakes on a good morning, or cut up an apple with peanut butter for an after school snack.  I am learning to adjust. To not be so black and white.  To appreciate the many things I can do and celebrate them.  I don't want to miss out on my sweet spots in life.  I do need to change my thinking a bit to realize that things can look different and still be good.  Ok, so a walk down the street and back is not the same as hiking in the mountains, but I can still enjoy it.  Cutting an apple or pulling out the Biquick box is not quite the same as what I used to do, but I am still in the kitchen serving.    (sometimes I am just in the kitchen sitting while someone else cuts the apple, but I am still there!)  This a pretty big shift in my thinking, and doesn't come as easliy as I would like.  But the alternative is sitting around and feeling sad about what I am not doing.  Bad choice, that one.  

So, I am going to walk down the street and enjoy it.  I will enjoy whtatever I do in the kitchen.  And I will always love watching others in their sweet spots.  Seeing others so happy truly makes me happy.

Grammar Lesson

This morning, I was "not" helping Hannah with her homework.  The homework, I come to find out, is to determine what she remembers from last year - so I wasn't supposed to help her. Can you picture yourself with your kid in this discussion:

"Dad! I don't understand my Spanish homework."  Great, I haven't studied Spanish since 1983 and I'm  just a wee bit rusty on my verb conjugation. But, I'm willing to take a crack at it. Of course, I get to a verb that I can't remember the "vosotros" (plural form of you familiar) form of the verb. So, when I tell her, "look it up on the Internet," she says, "I can't. We are not allowed to look anything up." "Why not?" I innocently ask.  "Because - we can't get help.  It's homework to see what we remember."

"Well then, why did you ask me to help you?" "Because I don't understand it!"  "Well, the whole point of the homework is to figure out what you don't know, so your teacher can know what to teach you in the class." Strange, vacant look. "But Daaaaaad! It has to be done!"

I'll save you from the 15 minute back and forth and back and forth. Lets just say in the end, I won. Eventually she got cracking and was able to make progress. Near the bottom of the worksheet, she had to use the verb to dance (Bailar) using all the different forms - me, you familiar, you formal, we, them, etc. Except, that she kept missing the tense of the verb.  "Honey,  you can't say "we danced last Friday using the present tense of the verb."  "But Dad, I haven't learned the past tense of verbs yet." ....more thrashing...more banging of my head....pulse quickens...deep breath.


Joshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do no be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go."


I love this verse, but I frequently forget the first 5 words.  Have. I. Not. Commanded. You. As I was reflecting, and praying for forgiveness for losing my temper with my "almost" perfect 12-year old, this verse came to mind. Note the tense of the verb "command". It's past tense. And, it's phrased in a question - it almost feels like it says "Remember? I am commanding you, again..."

This idea of "have no fear" is not a suggestion. It's not a request. The idea of "don't be discouraged" is not a suggestion and it's not a request. They are imperatives. All of them (be strong, be courageous, don't be afraid, don't be discouraged). They are commands. He says, unequivocally,  "I am with you. And because I am with you, you are not to be afraid."

Easier said than done.

Jesus spoke of this idea of "help" when he told us about the power of God that is within us. When his disciples were amazed at all his miracles, He told them "...you will do even greater things that this" (John 14:12).

As I was praying over Julie today, this verse, along with some great insight and encouragement from my sister came to the forefront of my mind. For those who have Christ in the lives - the power of God lives in us. The power of God that spoke the universe into existence, created every living creature, and raised Jesus from the dead lives in us. That is a lot of power. And with that power, we can indeed "have no fear".

On tap for this week:

• Echocardiogram tomorrow
• Post op meeting with breast surgeon on Thursday
• A "welcome to chemotherapy" class on Friday
• Katy, Julie's mom and Luther, are coming this Friday (yeah!)
• Sarah has her performance in "Celebration", a musical at school where she has the lead on Friday and Saturday night

Prayer requests:

• That we can harness the power of God that is within us to do what the Word commands us to do.
• That we live with a spirit of worship and gratitude every day
• For God's favor at work
• For the emotional wherewithal to process and absorb all we need to at the "Chemo 101 class"
• For God's favor on the girls in school and specifically with Sarah and her performance
• For gratitude to the many people who have prayed, visited, sent well wishes, cooked, cleaned and did yard work over the past 6 weeks.  We are so thankful for you!

We have 18 people signed up for the Race For The Cure! Don't forget to sign up if you'd like to join us (even if its "sleeping in for the cure") : Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. 


Blessings to all

Happy Birthday

A post from Julie, on her birthday!

Hello!  Thank you to all for your kind birthday wishes.  It means so much to me to hear from so many of you.  I had a really good day today.  Lots of energy and minimal pain.  Woo Hoo!  I also got some good news that I wanted to share.

The beginning of the week was rough - I went wig shopping on Monday.  I asked for a Christie Brinkley look a-like wig and the sales lady thought I was nuts. Then I tried on a wig that (according to the sales lady whose name is Tracy) made me look like I was stuck in the 80's and in a band.  A bad band at that.  Well, fine. I personally liked it, but I put it back pretending all the while to agree with her.  I mean, what do I know?  So then Tracy asks me what style I have always wanted to try and encouraged me to branch out and have some fun with wigs.  I then told her (again) that I wanted to look like Christie Brinkley in the 80's and that being a a band was a secret wish ( I wanted to be the drummer).  So much for that conversation.....   let's try this wig on, Tracy says.... and we are on our way.  I found two full wigs and one half-wig to wear under hats.  They look like the hair that I have now and are actually pretty ok with me.  Whew!  MAJOR hurdle accomplished.  I try the wigs on every day and look at myself in the mirror to get used to them.  I tell myself that even Christie Brinkley would wear these styles.  Then I remind myself that Christie B was a teen-age idol and I should get over her.  I am 45 years old now after all.  

On Tuesday I had a PET scan.  This is where they take me to this little room with radioactive and caution symbols everywhere they tell me to just relax. Oh, ok - sure.  I had to drink this berry flavored radioactive sugar water and then drink another glass of water and tell me not to move for 50 minutes.  I can't even read because they don't want my eye muscles moving. Be still and relax they tell me.  You know what happens next, right?  What is the first thing that happens to you (women who are my age and have been pregnant)?  I have to go to the bathroom.  Yikes!  I mean, I really have to go.  And I am afraid to move because I am now radioactive and I think that if I move I will make my whole body even more radioactive by "stirring things up" and my PET scan will be messed up and they will find false positives of cancer everywhere in my body and they will just take me out back and shoot me because I am so far gone.  

So, I sit there and pray that I can wait for someone to walk by and I can quietly and without moving summon them into my room and beg for them to let me leave - just for a minute.  Even if it means shooting me later.  Desperate times call for desparate measures.  Finally.  Larry walks by.   My new BFF.  I beg Larry to let me go and he concedes.  Finally, with 10 minutes left of my 50 minutes, I can relax.  Whew!  The rest of the test involves laying on a "bed"  ( it was a bed like the radioactive sugar drink was actually berry flavored) and get scanned for 30 minutes.  I can't move for that part either.  By the time I got home I was so stressed from not moving that I slept for 3 hours.  Not once during the rest of the day did I have to go to the bathroom.  Figures....

Wednesday was the meeting with the oncologist and a few other people who will possbily be part of my chemo regime.  I like my oncologist and respect her and am taking her advice seriously.  I listen carefully, absorb about 10% of what she says, and go to the car and cry.  Every time.  And every time I see her she thanks me for being so positive and energetic.  Ha!  Does she see me in my car crying?  I think not.  So, this visit she calmly tells me about the side effects of chemo.  Blech.  That's all I can say.  Just blech.  I lose my hair by the third week.  Good thing I have wigs ready to go.(and a cute hat too!)

Today is my birthday.  I have good news.  My PET scan turned out normal after all!  What this means is that there are no visible signs of cancer anywhere.  There could be little cells floating around, and that is the reason for chemo.  Kill the little evil things before they get a chance to grow.  I went to see my rock star doctor, Dr Toni Green, who explained everything to me in such a way that I understood it all.  She makes everything a little less scary.  She also makes me feel like I can do this.  And I just like her as a person.  So, that was a huge birthday gift from her.  And, I know that she was hand picked for me by the Lord, so it was really a gift from Him - through her.  When I got home from my appointment with her I had a nice talk with Sarah and then Hannah and we had a nice - and normal- evening.  A normal evening is a good birthday present!!  

Tomorrow night we are getting all dressed up and going out for a nice dinner to celebrate.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Now, if you will excuse me, I must be off to go and brush my hair.

Good, but Complicated

Finally some good news


Hurdle #3 this week was the meeting with the oncologist.  We met with Dr. Kim at 10:00am this morning.  The good news: Negative PET scan, meaning no cancer detected anywhere else in the body.  Huge high five!  Also, pathology from excision last Friday showed negative, so no more cancer in the original tumor area. Another high five!


So, we are feeling very blessed that we now have a complete clinical diagnosis and that there currently is no cancer in her body that we are aware of. Praise the Lord!


Decision time.  


The question that remains is treatment going forward. Julie  has decided to do chemotherapy (and endocrine therapy later).  The statistics for recurrence without chemo are too high to not do chemo. Dr. Kim has recommended a "moderate" (if you can call any poison moderate) chemotherapy treatment plan that includes two main drugs, Toxotere and Cytoxan. It will be administered every 3 weeks for 6 cycles, starting on September 8, 2011. More good news, she will not be taking Adriamycin, affectionately called "Red Devil". (remember the song - you are the devil and you are bad...?)


Big Decision number two. Clinical Trials.


As of right now, she is technically approved for a clinical trial, although she needs to do more tests to finalize her acceptance, including a blood test and an echo-cardiogram. (Apparently, one side effect is that the left ventricle stops pumping blood like it should so she needs a super strong heart.) Hmmm. 


Clinical trials are used for research purposes. You are, in a real sense, a lab rat. This trial is looking to see if adding the drug Herceptin can decrease the recurrence of cancer in a group of patients that are technically HER2 negative, but have a few cells in their clinical pathology that show +1 or +2  positive for HER2. Julie happens to fall into this category. So, they get a group of women who fall into that category, randomly draw 50% of them that get standard chemo treatment plus Herceptin, and 50% just get standard treatment. They (the FDA) then follow them for 10 years to see if the ones that got the Herceptin had a lower recurrence rate.


So, why do clinical trials? Good question. They can't and won't tell you if taking Herceptin will increase the likelihood for survival. They hope so, but don't know so. So, other than helping future patients, there's not much in it for the patient in the trial. Another negative, and a BIG negative, is this: standard treatment for Julie under the current plan is 18 weeks (6 cycles every 3 weeks - see kids, you do need math so stay in school). If she goes in the clinical trial, she would have to have the Herceptin treatments for a full year. Port stays in, co-pays for every visit, side effects. Yeah.


So, a specific prayer request is for wisdom regarding if should she participate in the clinical trial, you know, for the good of mankind. Or womankind. Or something like that.


Another specific prayer request is for emotional stability and minimal side effects from chemo. Its overwhelming what this stuff can do to you. Tired, cranky, swollen, metalic taste, tingling, swelling, (and a list of about 300 other things that "might" happen. Gotta love the FDA). She will have to take steroids (and a bunch of other stuff) to counteract the negative effects of the Cytoxin and Toxotere. Steroids are bad you say. Yes, they can be, and they have side effects, but not as bad as the side effects of the chemo apparently. Sounds like that TV commercial for Restless Leg Syndrome medication; it helps your leg but "....may cause internal bleeding, hemorrhoids, blindness, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, stroke, and in rare cases, death..." "...If you have any of these symptoms, call your doctor that prescribed it for you..."


We have an appointment next Friday to go over the whole chemo process, the side effects, the medicines she will be on, the schedule for medicines, etc.  The side effects work like a wave - the chemo crashes her body, white blood cells, bone marrow, immunities. The low point is 2-3 days after treatment, then she slowly recovers. The bad news about her start date is that it will be 3 days before Race For The Cure...so, we will have to sort that out later. If she can't make it, we walk in her honor!


Sorry for the length - but wanted to share some of the details.


Blessings to all. Thank you for your prayers, they are making a huge difference. Glory to God in the Highest.

2 Down, 1 to Go

There's football in the air, and now that the season is back on, I thought a football analogy would be appropriate

I don't really mean 2nd Down, 1 yard to go. I mean 2 major hurdles down this week, one more big one to go.  

Julie is healing well from the surgery last Friday.  The weekend was slow and steady.  Still a lot of pain, but its manageable.  Hurdle #1: Monday. She bought 3 different wigs.  That was emotionally hard for sure.  Hurdle #2: Today. She had her PET scan. 

If you haven't heard of it or done one, its a procedure where they put radioactive dye laced with sugar into your blood stream, let you sit (so it can get through your body), then put you in a machine (that's a cross between a CAT scan and an MRI) for about 40 minutes  that "reads" if there are any more cancer cells. 

Cancer loves sugar, so the theory goes that if there are cancer cells, they will eat the sugar, then "light up" on the machine. The objective is to have no "light-ups".  Well, no light-ups that aren't normal (like your kidneys or other organs that normally light up on these tests).

Hurdle #3: Tomorrow. Oncology day. 10:00am MT we meet with Dr. Kim, the oncologist. Hopefully we will now have a complete clinical diagnosis that includes:

• Pathology report from original biopsy
• Pathology report from bilateral mastectomy surgery and lymph nodes
• Pathology report from second surgery to remove positive margin
• Pathology report from PET scan (please pray we get this so we don't have to go back again, as it can take up to 72 hours to get results)

All this info gets put into a computer model that helps determines chemo and endocrine treatment going forward. The goal is to walk out of there with a clear plan for chemotherapy, which includes type of chemo cocktail, number of cycles (currently planned at 6 cycles administered every 3 weeks), and start date; and determination of acceptance into clinical trial. Endocrine therapy comes later, after chemo is finished.

Thursday is Birthday Day!  Not that Jules need another reason to celebrate her birthday...but each one has taken on just a bit more significance. Because its also a school-day, we won't do a birthday dinner as a family until Friday, but I am taking the day off to spend with my beautiful bride.

Friday is another meeting with the plastic surgeon to see if she is ready to start re-expansion on the left side.

As promised, here are the big 3 things you can do to help, should God put us on your hearts:

1. Continue to pray for us.  We are asking for specific prayer the oncologist meeting - that every spec of cancer will is gone, the PET scan shows no cancer, and that Julie will be able manage chemo therapy well.  Of course, we are praying that she will remain cancer free forever. 
2. Should you feel led to help with food or whatever, please visit Julie's Care Calendar - enter security code 8146.  
3. We'd love to have as many people walking with us as possible at the Race For The Cure on September 11.  You can sign up here: Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. If you need more info or instructions on how to sign up, visit the previous blog post: Race For Cure Blog Post

We are blessed. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, concern, help and friendship. We love you all!

Sunflowers

Another guest post from Julie


It is a beautiful Colorado morning!  How many times do I say that?  Too many?  I don't think that is possible.  I love our mornings here.  My usual routine is to sit outside and eat breakfast while watching the birds and squirrels have their breakfast.   There is usually quite a crowd with me as we feast on our nuts and seeds together.

I love gardens.  Manicured, but not too fussy.  Lots of colors and lots of textures.  Lots of activity.  (side note: I don't like to actually do the work in the garden, I just like the results)  This morning, I was sitting there and looking at the sunflowers that have appeared as a result of dropped birdseed.  These sunflowers were not part of the original landscape plan - they just appeared.   And these sunflowers are not "tidy".  They are droopy, have lots of bugs, and they are doing their best to overshadow the beautiful, and much smaller, rose bush that they are next to.   A while ago, Steve asked me I wanted him to cut the sunflowers down. No thanks, let's watch them grow and then feed the seeds to the birds.  

The sunflowers have become a metaphor for my summer.  They were not part of the carefully executed origninal plan.  They don't seem to fit in.  But they are beautiful in their own right.  The actual flowers are all facing their heads towards the morning sun - catching every bit of the Colorado morning as possible.  The color of the flowers is such a brilliant yellow and the leaves are a deep green.   They are nourishing an entire bee population and will later feed many birds in the fall.  Wild and messy as they are, they are serving a purpose.  

While I prefer my garden, and my life, to be planned and tidy, it doesn't always work that way.   I am learning to embrace the unexpected a little more. To find the beauty in the mess.  To see the purpose in the unplanned.   To love the sunflowers in my life.  

Quick 2nd Surgery Update

Good news, Julie is out of surgery and in recovery.  All went well and as planned!


While we started about an hour late, the cancer excision and the chemo port insertion went very well.  She did NOT get any more drains put in (huge blessing and answer to prayer). She has already gotten up and walked a bit!


I expect to take her home in the next hour or two and let her sleep in her own bed tonight.


Here are the next steps:

• Rest and heal from today's surgery
• Next Tuesday is her PET scan - to see if there is cancer cells anywhere else in her body
• Wednesday is follow up with Oncologist - we should get final recommendation and schedule for starting chemotherapy
• Thursday is Julie's birthday - BIG celebration!
• Friday its back to the plastic surgeon to re-start expansion process again

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts and help!  


More updates soon.

Life Lessons From the Dentist

This Post is from Julie.......

My girls went to the dentist today.  They both got clean bills of health.  The questions they get asked in the dentist's office are always the same:   how many times a day do you brush?  floss?  do you drink soda?  drink milk or take calcium...? 

And so far, the girls have always had the "right" answers and escaped without a hitch.  

On the drive home, I always launch into my same speech about the benefits of taking care of our bodies and aren't you glad you that you are such good little brushers??  ( something along those lines anyway).  Today, however, I stopped myself. 

I congratulated them on another "easy" visit.  As I was starting in on my speech, I thougth about the many kids I know that take realy good care of their teeth and still have multiple fillings.  I thought about all of the kids that don't own Sonicares and have parents that nag them to use them.  All of the kids who work really really hard at something and still have it be a struggle.  Now, I still believe strongly in brushing and flossing and doing all we can do to take care of ourselves.  But sometimes it isn't enough. 

Can you relate?  You put everything you have into a job that is draining the life out of you?  Or a relationship that you have invested everything in, only to not have it work out?  Or a wayward child that you have poured your heart and soul into and flooded the gates of heaven with your prayers, only to have your prodigal continue to rebel?  

I have been watching so many families go through hard times.  Times that seem to come out of nowhere.  Difficulities that seem totally unfair.  Famillies that "brush and floss" regularly and still have multiple cavaties.  I wonder how cancer could have the nerve to invade this body that I have take such good care of.  C'mon -  organic, local, good vitamins, exercise... the whole deal.  And I get cancer???   This does not make sense at all.  

But, none of it makes "sense".  None of us have asked for the afflictions we are handed.  But, I do know that we have all been given the grace and strength to deal with it.   That there is a purpose for everything.  That God can redeem any circumstance and turn it around for good.  And that we are told to praise Him through it all.  And so, I do.  Praise Him. Trust Him to turn this around and bring beauty from ashes.  And simply have faith that He will do what He says he will in His word.  

Does this mean I am abandoning my exercise and organic foods?  Or stop nagging my girls to actually turn the Sonicare on - it works much better that way.  No way.  We should do all that is in our power to do.  However, I am learning that the real power lies in God's hands.  And  I am grateful for that.  He runs the world much better than I ever could.

Quick Update - Surgery Week

Busy, busy, busy

I wanted to provide a quick update on what's happening the next 3 days.

Today we had two doctor appointments - one with the Chiropractor to relieve some pain, which was very helpful, and the other with the plastic surgeon.  The plastic surgeon had to continue to expand and stretch the left reconstruction to provide room for Dr. Green to go in an excise the cancer that is remaining.  Julie is very, very sore. Happy today, but sore.

Tomorrow we meet the general surgeon, Dr. Fedorak, who will put in the chemo port on Friday.

Thursday is pre-op and surgery registration. Hopefully she can do that over the phone rather than another trip to the hospital.

Friday is surgery day.  We need to go into the plastic surgeon's office at 9:00am to have him remove all the saline from the expander on the left side which will give Dr. Green the room she needs to do the removal of the remaining cancer. We then go to the hospital somewhere between 11:00 and 11:30 to check in. Surgery will begin at approximately 1:00pm. Its expected to last about 2 hours. Dr. Green will excise the remainder of the cancer, and Dr. Fedorak will put in the port to administer chemo. The port will be put in a vein in her chest cavity.  That surgery alone will be near an hour.

We are not sure if she will be sent home after recovery from surgery, but that is the current plan.  It all depends on how well she recovers from the anesthesia. If it takes her too long, they may admit her for the night.

So many people have asked how they can help...thank you all.  So, based on a suggestion from a good friend, here is how you can help.  3 ways. And for you who know me at work, you know "its always 3":

1. Continue to pray for us.  We are asking for specific prayer for surgery - that every spec of cancer will be removed and that there is no more anywhere else in her body.  And that it will never come back. Please also pray for a quick recovery from surgery on Friday.
2. Should you feel led to help with food or whatever, please visit Julie's Care Calendar - enter security code 8146.  
3. We'd love to have as many people walking with us as possible at the Race For The Cure on September 11.  You can sign up here: Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. If you need more info or instructions on how to sign up, visit the previous blog post: Race For Cure Blog Post

We are blessed. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, concern, help and friendship. We love you all!

Be Careful What You Pray For

I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "Be careful what you pray for"...

You know, some poor soul says, "Lord, please give me patience," and the person next to them says, "Are you crazy? Be careful what you pray for!  You know what happens when you pray for patience, right? God gives you lots of things that annoy you so you can "learn" to be patient!"

Backtrack with me several years.  My wife is so amazing. A-May-Zing. One night as we are sharing about what God is doing in our lives, she tells me that she has been praying to be a better wife and a better mom.  For years.  Yes, years.  I, of course, feel like a yutz. Why? Because I have not been praying to be a better husband and father. So, rather than admit that, I say (sincerely but charmingly), "Why would you do that?  You are already the best wife and mom on the planet." She then proceeds to tell me about the 5 books she has bought on the topic, the 48 verses she has found relating to the topic, and has been diligently praying about being a better mom and wife. Hmmm. Pride sets in. Guilt builds. A year goes by.

Then, about 18 months ago, I start to feel compelled to do a bit of research into this "role of husband". I pick up my dusty copy of Emerson Eggerich's book "Love and Respect". I do some Bible research on verses relating to husbandly duties. And, I get stuck on this verse in Ephesians 5: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy..."  And I say to myself "Yeah, right. All she has to do is submit to me in everything (previous verse in Ephesians 5).  I have to do what Jesus did. Now, how am I possibly going to do that?"

So...I start this simple little prayer - usually when I am out for a walk with my wife. I don't pray it every day. I am still flummoxed (love that word) on how I am supposed to love her like Jesus loves all of us. But, I pray it anyway. "Lord, help me learn to love Julie like you love your bride."

Seemed pretty innocuous at the time.

Fast forward to June 24, 2011. I am racing to get 300 things done before I leave on a week vacation. The last day in the office before vacation is harrowing to put it mildly. I figure if I push, I can get out by 6:00pm, then go home and pack, and get up at 4:30am to drive to Denver and get on a plane to Maui. Then, my cell phone rings. 12:30pm. Its Julie.  "Hi Honey, just wanted  you to know I am on my way to the hospital.  I found a lump in my left breast, went to the doctor and she is sending me to Penrose main."

Although I don't know it yet, I am about to get an answer to my innocuous little prayer.

It's amazing what your brain does, OK, what my brain does when something like that hits you. You start thinking about 214 things at the same time. Are the girls OK? Is she OK? Which  doctor did she go to? Is this serious? Can we still go to Hawaii? Where is Penrose Main? Should I leave right now? How long will this take? Who should I call to get them praying? What's for dinner?

Then, I arrive at the hospital, and all 214 things melt into oblivion.  God's grace is amazing. All I can do is focus on her. All I want to do is sit next to her and hold her hand. Look into her eyes. Tell her I love her. I'm sure that I have never loved her as much as I did at that moment when we met in the parking lot in front of the hospital. Until she came out of the mammography department and we walked hand in hand to radiology. Then that love paled in comparison to how I felt about her when she finished her biopsy. And that was like puppy love compared to when we walked on the beach after we heard from our good friend Kevin (her OB-GYN) that it was cancer.

And, every moment we get to share since then I have grown more and more in love with her. Yes, it's scary. Yes, it's painful. Yes it's frustrating. Yes, it's so very, very hard. And, yes, I'd never change a thing. Let me be clear - I am not happy that she has cancer. I'm angry and sad and sometimes feel hopeless. I am also not saying that God gave her cancer so her "wee-bit slow husband" could learn how to love her more.  But, God has an amazing way of redeeming the evil that is so prevalent in this world.

I've clearly not entirely grasped Ephesians 5:25, but I think God has provided me a tiny glimpse into how much he loves us. Its overwhelming.

And remember, be careful what you pray for...

Retail Therapy

I don't want to be sexist, but what is it about women and "retail therapy"?


20 years ago, I'd never heard of it. 10 years ago, I convinced myself it was a passing phase. Today it scares me and my wallet to death. I know, its really "our" wallet - but I've also  learned the meaning of "what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine". Especially growing up with two sisters, and living with 3 women.


For all you men out there who have never heard of it, or don't believe in it, here's the long and short of it. Wife (or daughter, or niece, or sister, or aunt) gets depressed. The solution for said depression is to go shopping. Shopping for what you ask? Doesn't matter. And, don't try to rationalize it with simple minded phrases like "honey, we don't need ______, we already have 16 of them". There is no rational thought here. And, it doesn't matter what kind of shopping. Could be online, at the mall, TV, radio. Doesn't matter.  Also, be aware that here is a Vegas kind of attribute to retail therapy. It could be that a small shopping spree creates joy and said depression leaves. Or, it could be "snake eyes" and it's a large shopping spree. You just never know. 


The dangerous part of all this is that given the stark reality of cancer, I'm happy with any kind of therapy that helps - real or retail. I wish I could afford to actually prescribe retail therapy, but, c'est la vie. 


Julie's retail therapy this week has been shopping for hair. Well, wigs actually. While emotional, it was very good for her to see what the wig will look like. She looks awesome! 


This has been a busy week (I know, they all are).  We've updated you on the doctor's meetings we had on Tuesday. Since then we have some more information:

• Julie will have the second surgery on Friday the 12th. We will probably get to the hospital late morning and surgery is scheduled to begin at 1:00pm. It will be both insertion of the chemo port and the removal of remainder of the cancer. Please pray that all the cancer is removed and for a quick and easy recovery.  Right now the plan is to do it outpatient and not spend the night, but we don't know for sure.
• We meet with the general surgeon (who will do the chemo port) on Wednesday the 10th
• Julie will be doing a PET scan on Tuesday the 16th. My simplistic understanding is that a PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scan is used to identify where, if any, other cancer might exist within the body.  They inject a radioactive fluid that includes sugar (cancer cells love sugar). The cancer cells absorb the fluid and show up on the scan.
• We then meet with Dr. Kim (Oncologist) on the 17th to discuss final chemo treatment plan
• There are lots of other little things (meeting with plastic surgeon twice, doing a echo cardiogram, doing a pre-chemo review, etc.) over the next few weeks.

One other huge thing - Julie drove for the first time today.  While painful, she did well, and that will give her a bit more mobility.

More updates coming soon.  I gotta run and buy something. Anything. 

Quick Update - Meetings with Surgeons

Four.  Count 'em. Four.


Four Doctor's appointments today.  One for healing (the chiropractor); One for the removal of drains (plastic surgeon) - Yeah!!; One for information( the genetic counselor, which was fascinating and scary at the same time); and one for clarity and future scheduling of surgery (Breast surgeon).


We are getting really tired of waiting room music and waiting room television.


We love our Chiropractors (Dr. Tim and Dr. Jack) - they are so helpful and provide Julie a lot of relief. (Me too). We are grateful for them!


Good news (and answer to prayer) - the drains came out, Julie can shower.  Our water bill is going to go up, and I might need to go to the neighbors to get any hot water for the next few days. Its kinda weird, but he has to stretch the skin for a few days to give as much room possible for Dr. Green to excise the rest of the cancer.  He does this by stretching the skin through inserting fluid into the expander, then right before surgery, removing liquid from the expander (yes, another doctor visit). This puts us 2 steps back in the reconstruction process, but it is what it is.


We learned a lot from the genetic counselor - its amazing that they have isolated 2 genes that they can test for abnormalities.


We had a good meeting with Dr. Green (breast surgeon/specialist). She is a rock star.  She was extremely helpful in explaining the pathology report and how the cancer was missed, and why we need to do another surgery.  The net of it is that under the microscope, the pathologist found a few cancer cells that were right at the edge of the tissue that was removed (tumor plus "margin" tissue). They want to have a negative margin around the tissue to ensure no cancer was left behind. If there are cancer cells on the edge, then as a precaution, they go back into to remove more tissue to ensure a negative margin. This is something that you never know until the pathology report comes back because during surgery, they only have the naked eye, not a microscopic view of what gets removed.


She (Dr. Green) is going to work with the general surgeon so that we can do the second removal surgery and the insertion of a port for chemotherapy at the same time (another answer to prayer). We won't know until tomorrow or even Thursday when that will be.  Maybe this Friday, but most likely early next week.


Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - they are felt, appreciated and God is working through them.  In addition to prayer requests from yesterday, here are two more specific requests:

• Julie really needs specific prayer regarding the chemo process and losing her hair.  Please pray that God would change her heart about this. That there would be no fear, no loss of dignity, no loss of feeling like a woman.
• This may seem like an odd one, but I strongly felt the Lord impressing this idea in my   head - that somehow, by His grace, this next year would be our best year ever. That we'd find joy in the little things, that we would be closer as a couple, closer to Him, closer as a family, and that we (the collective we) would all grow closer as the body of Christ. 

Please don't forget to read the post on race for the cure (Race For The Cure Blogpost ), we'd love you to join us!

Gotta run to Home Depot to buy an extra hot water heater now... :-)

Ugh - Oncologist Update

My first reaction after our meeting with the oncologist was "Oh Sh#$%*"


Long ago and far away (OK, it was a little more than 2 weeks ago), when we first met with the breast surgeon and the oncologist, the clinical diagnosis was very encouraging - small-ish tumor (1.1 cm) and unlikely there was anything in the lymph nodes. Do surgery, a little  endocrine therapy - life is good.  Here we are a few weeks later and things are a bit different. Here is a summary of what we learned today:


First, we learned that Julie will have to do another surgery. It appears from the pathology report that there is still some cancer that apparently wasn't removed - they call it margin positive. Cancer cells are still within the "margin" that was left behind and they must be removed. 


Second, we learned the stage of the cancer - It's stage IIB (not as good as Stage 1, not as bad as Stage 3). This is based on two main facts.  One, the tumor was twice the size that they estimated in the original biopsy. The biopsy put it at 1.1 cm, and pathology showed it was 2.2 cm (.86 inches). Two, the cancer has metastasized into her lymph node(s) (as we found out during surgery). The good news is that her HER-2 Status was negative (HER-2 is a gene that can predict growth - too many HER-2 receptors on the cancer cell means they likely grow faster); and they only found cancer in the one lymph node - no other sentinel or axillary nodes were cancer positive. And, the one that was positive showed negative for extracapsular extension (meaning it was only in the node, not into the rest of the tissue - good news).


Third, we learned a lot about chemotherapy and endocrine therapy options, including the potential for Julie to participate in clinical trials. The statistics are scary. For starters - based on her grade and stage, there is a 45%-50% chance of cancer coming back in the next 10 years without any post operative therapy. This of course goes down with chemo and endocrine (hormonal) therapy. There was so much information that we both felt overwhelmed. We have a meeting to go over all the details in two weeks.  We will likely start chemo the last week of August - there will probably be 6 sessions, each session done every 3 weeks. 


So, here are the next steps

• Meet with plastic surgeon tomorrow to hopefully get last two drains out. Drains out = ability to shower = good!
• Meet with Genetic Counselor tomorrow - discuss history and determine if/when we should perform genetic testing
• Meet with Dr. Green tomorrow to review pathology report, try to schedule the surgery to get the rest of the cancer out. We will also try to schedule insertion of chemo port at the same time so she doesn't need yet another surgery.
• Schedule chemotherapy sessions. We have a follow up session with Dr. Kim in two weeks.

Needless to say, this was very difficult news for us. Afterwards, we both say in the car and cried. Actually, the first thing we did was pray, then cried. OK, we cried while we prayed. There is an amazing team behind us, the cancer nurse coordinator Cindy is amazing, and she and Dr. Kim are huge cheerleaders for us. This is going to a marathon - it will probably be a year before things get back to "normal". Make that "new normal". God's presence is  very evident. His peace comforting. We will take this one day at a time. Its the only way we know how.

One more important thought - there as so many, many people who have gone before us and will go after us in the fight against cancer. We are just one small story, and by no means the most difficult or aggressive, or painful. We learned of a friend named Kari who has already had a lumpectomy, and just  found out she has brain cancer. Another friend's young daughter has been through chemo hell for a large tumor in her leg. Another friend's husband has 6 brain tumors. If you are praying for us and the Lord brings it to your heart, please pray for them, and so many others who are suffering!

Specific prayer requests:

• Healing - please pray for every cancer cell to be removed and to never come back
• Peace - this is fairly overwhelming for both of us, and I am sure our girls also (who are being very strong, but are concerned). There is so much unknown, but it is so helpful to know how many people are praying and supporting us, and of course that none of this is a surprise to God.
• Minimal side effects of therapy - this is a huge prayer request!
• Scheduling and minimal hospital stay for the follow up surgery
• Wisdom - for the doctors who are treating her, and for decision to be made on treatment and type and frequency of therapy.
• Joy - that we may have joy in the journey, despite the pain.
• Hope - that we never, ever lose hope
• Love - that we can share God's love with others as we walk through this.

Thank you all for your prayers! We covet them.

Blessings to all