Not Fair

Waldo Canyon Fire (taken from my back yard)

So much for good intentions. I had every good intention of faithfully keeping up on this blog, but to no avail. Life got in the way. Again. A very quick update on the family:

Much has happened since May. Colorado Springs had the most damaging wild fires in Colorado history where nearly 350 homes were burned to the ground. 25% of the families at my office were evacuated and over 200 people in our church lost their homes. 

We've struggled with numerous side effects from Julie's chemotherapy. Julie has been battling severe hives since July and the doctor has taken her off every medication she was on, even tamoxifen. She has been on heavy doses of steroids because its the only thing that keeps the hives at bay. When I say severe, I am not exaggerating - huge welts all over her body, and sometimes so severe her face is swollen, eyes almost swollen shut and they move to her throat. We've had one trip to the emergency room, and several times when we probably should have gone. She now carries an Epi-Pen everywhere she goes. Steroids, while helpful with hives, are evil.

Since May Hannah has started 8th grade, has grown physically, mentally and emotionally, and has, on occasion, been mistaken for a college student. Dads will understand my extreme anxiety. Sarah is off to college at TCU in Fort Worth, Texas. She is growing in amazing ways, but misses home and the steadiness and predictability of family. We are heading to Ft. Worth for family weekend very soon and we are all very excited. Lastly, Jake, our dog of 11 years, is not doing well. He is, for the most part, paralyzed in his back legs and struggles getting anywhere. It's sad to see him in this state, but his spirit is happy and he still limps (and carried a lot) around and lays next to Julie wherever she is.

Now, back the headline of this post...not fair. I hate cancer. I hate what it does to people who have it and to families who support those who have it. It's an insidious disease. Within the last two weeks we have lost two friends to cancer, one who was battling pancreatic cancer for 4 years and who also lost their home in the Waldo Canyon Fire, and a 16 year-old girl who had leukemia. 

I just found yesterday that a good friend's daughter has a recurrence. This particular family has had way more than their fair share. In the last two years, their daughter has gone through hell on earth to remove a tumor from her leg, and her most recent PET scan shows the cancer has returned in her lung. She is 16. Please pray for them. He is recovering from throat cancer. His mother-in-law recently passed away from cancer, and his mother is in hospice, dying from cancer. Why? 

Why is all this heaped on one family? Why do those who smoke, drink, eat poorly and never exercise have no issues and those who "do what they are supposed to" get sick and die?  Why? It's just not fair.

The parent in me has the pat response, "well, life's not fair". But that is too shallow and frankly not very helpful. The truth is, I, nor you have answers to those questions. And, while I do not know the answers to these most difficult of questions, I do know one thing. God hates cancer too. He hates the sin that keeps us from the perfect relationship he designed and created. He hates that we have to suffer. 

Yet, somewhat paradoxically, He loves us more than we can imagine. He turns what Satan means for evil into good. He shows us that every situation, good, bad, and ugly can be used by us to grow in our relationship with Him. Why does He do it this way?  I have no idea. But, as Job (finally) said, who am I to question God?  Some day — thanks to the work that Jesus did on the cross, taking on the ultimate sacrifice of carrying all of our sins (past, present and future) and defeating sin, death and the power of the devil — Some day, it won't matter. Because some day we will be with Him in perfect unity and there will be no more pain, tears, cancer, fires, anxiety, hurt. Some day.

But, until that day, we have to figure out a way to persevere, to deal with the crud that comes with a fallen world. I have found only one way to survive, and dare I say thrive in the midst of this imperfect yet beautiful world: stay close to Jesus, and surround yourself with the family of believers who understand that we are not home yet.

No, life is not fair. Nobody said it was going to be. But we do have each other, and we do have Jesus. And that is more than good enough.