33.33% Done

Julie is 1/3 of the way to the finish line! Well, the chemotherapy finish line at least.


This past week has been such a mixture of wonderful, sad, refreshing, hard and happy moments. We had the privilege last weekend to attend a marriage retreat at Sonrise Mountain Ranch, in Cimarron, CO. We went with some dear friends and had an amazing time. The normal 5 hour drive took us nearly 7 & 1/2 as we meandered our way through some beautiful Colorado locales, stopped for lunch and enjoyed God's amazing creation.


The retreat itself was very, very good. The location is such that there is zero cell phone coverage. No email. No texts. No Internet. No nothin. It was awesome. The accommodations were fantastic, we had our own cabin, the setting was serene and perfect.   Here are a few photos:

This is the view as you enter the Cimarron valley

Nice little nature trail that flanks the property

It was very serene!

So cute!

In my element

View from the lodge out onto a small lake

Matt and Chantal, the husband and wife team who run the center, are fantastic people - we feel like we made lifelong friends. I highly recommend it for any couple - newly married or old veterans. 


During the weekend, Julie began to rapidly lose her hair. It was a very emotional situation. Thankfully, I had packed my hair shaving equipment and during our 4 hour afternoon alone time on Saturday, I took on the task of shaving Julie's head. We played "Beautiful" by Mercy Me.  We both cried a lot and laughed a little, but in the end, it was a sweet, intimate time together. For the record, I'd make a lousy hair dresser. I think I picked the right career path! And for the record, it is amazing how beautiful Julie is without hair. It really allows  you to focus on her face and the great features the good Lord provided her. Her smile lights up the room more than it ever did before. 


Today was chemo treatment #2. Sadly, I was flying back from CA and didn't arrive until after she was done, but our dear friend Becky took Julie and sat with her through the whole treatment.  The regiment was about the same, but this time, they do a blood test and the oncologist evaluates Julie's ability to take the chemo treatment. Her blood counts were good - white cells were normal and red were just a little low. She was cleared for treatment and endured another several hours of dripping poison into her body.


This next week we expect to be much like the last one She will be very tired, nauseous, and a bit lethargic, but the second time through should be easier - she knows what to expect and how to deal with things better than before.


Julie's prayer has been from 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such a as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." That is indeed our prayer.


Thank you all for your prayers and support!

The Tortoise and the Hare

Who doesn't remember this famous fable by Aesop.  The moral of the story of the Tortoise and the Hare is of course: slow and steady wins the race. 

Battling cancer, like life and the race the Hare ran, is truly a journey. There are always mountains and valleys, fields of green and deserts, blizzards and warm sunny days. And while overall Julie is doing very well, this portion of our journey is particularly challenging. Not necessarily for physical reasons, although there are lots of physical challenges. (And memory challenges for me, there are so dang many medicines she is, and can be on, its really hard to keep them straight). 

  

But, emotionally, this is a lot like "The Waiting Place". Do you remember the waiting place?  Its from Oh, The Places You'll Go! (for more on why I love this book, see this post: Seussisms). The waiting place is..."A most useless place...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come, or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow, or waiting around for a yes or a no or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants, or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.

In our case, it's waiting for the pain to come, or waiting for the hair to go, or waiting for a dose of drugs, or a walk to help, or the nausea to slow. Waiting for the prayer to lift, or the weight to shift, the fatigue to stop or the next shoe to drop.

The process of breaking the body down, then allowing it to build back up only to break it down again is extremely wearing on the emotions.  We have both felt like we as a family have been under emotional spiritual attack and would very much appreciate prayers in that area.

To help in "the waiting place", Julie is trying to do several things.  The first it that she is spending a lot of time in prayer and study, and really leaning on the Lord. She has several books that have been very helpful. The second is that we have purchased a decent camera and she is going to learn more about photography and how to use iPhoto. In addition, she has been starting to exercise more, and is going to physical therapy. And the last is, somewhat sadly, retail therapy. The packages are starting to arrive. Be very afraid.

This is an exciting weekend.  We are going away to a marriage conference - it's at a retreat center in Cimarron, CO. 1/2 way between here and nowhere.  It's nestled in the mountains and we are very much looking forward to getting away for a few days.  Please pray for our time away, and for the girls who will be in the care of others.

The next chemotherapy treatment is September 29th. I will just be returning from an out of town trip, and a friend will be taking Julie to chemo on that day.

We are prayerfully living in the reality of "slow and steady wins the race". We are greatly encouraged by friends (especially the visits by friends that have been so encouraging to Julie), by prayer and the presence of the Lord. Thanks be to Him is able to do immeasurable more than we can ever ask or imagine.

Race For The Cure Update

Sunday was race day.


The day started off a bit rocky (and very early at 4:30am), but we prayed for a miracle and got one! Julie was able to muster up the energy to get to the race and while she didn't walk, she was there to see so many friends who came out in support of breast cancer.


The event itself was amazing. There were over 7,300 people at the event and it raised over $100,000 locally. Our team had 49 members and raised over $1,000! Thank you so much to everyone who participated - both financially and physically.


The day started with breast cancer survivors releasing balloons into the incredibly blue Colorado sky:

The 5K run started at 8:00, then the 5K walk started at 8:15, followed by the family 1K walk.  Hannah, her friend Morgan and I did the 5K walk.  Here are some photos:

Hannah and Morgan (Thing 1 and Thing 2) on the 5K walk

Sarah signing Morgan's shirt

Garden of The Gods Park is beautiful

Steve sportin' the cool race shirt, team button and hat from Australia!

Nearing the finish line

We really had a great time. Julie did well given how she was feeling. The last two days she was very, very low, but is slowly progressing. 


The next chemo cycle is scheduled for the 29th of September. Julie will likely lose her hair this week or early next.  Please pray for emotional strength, both during the low physical times and of course during the hair loss. 


We rest on this promise: He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world.


Blessings to all

16.6% Complete

Sometimes the left side of my brain takes over.  


The left side, of course, is the analytical side.  The numbers, logic, rational, linear side of my brain. Given the emotional roller coaster we've been on, I think it needs a little exercise.


I told Julie today that she is almost 17% done with chemotherapy. 1 down, 5 to go. 1/6th of the way there. After next time, she will be 33% done. 2/6th; 1/3. Math is your friend.


Julie's first chemotherapy session was this past Thursday. It was an "interesting" experience. We went into the oncologist office as scheduled, spent 30 minutes in the waiting room, then went to see Dr. Kim. She did a quick exam, sent in three more prescriptions for managing side effects and "released" Julie for chemotherapy. There is no nurse to guide us, just a verbal instruction - "keep taking lefts and go through the double doors at the end of the hall".


We shuffle down the confusing corridor (am I the only one who finds doctors' offices confusing to navigate?). We get lost and ask directions. (Maybe we subconsciously got lost - the instructions were really not all that difficult.) There they were - the double doors to the chemo lab. We walk up to them, take a deep breath and I push the doors open.


We enter a large room with a long nurses' desk in front of us and a large square section to our immediate right, filled with Lazy Boy-like chairs. If they didn't have IV stands next to the chairs, it could have been a recreation room at a senior care center. The first thing I notice is how many chairs there are; that and and how close they are together. This is clearly not going to be a private activity.


We stand there for a minute, not exactly sure what to do or where to go. We shuffle our way over to the nurses' station and check in.  "Julie Maegdlin" we manage to eek out in a weak voice. "Oh yes, Julie. Take a seat and a nurse will be with you soon," the lady at the desk says and then goes back to work. Take a seat? Where? Which nurse will be over? When?


The room has a smattering of patients, some old, some not so old, sitting or reclining in chairs. I happen to notice that only two people have lost their hair. Not sure what to think about that. We awkwardly make our way through the sea of patients in chairs, some family members sitting with patients, IV stands, medical carts and nurses attending to various patients in search of a place to sit. "Should we sit here? No. How about here? Hmmm. Maybe over here?" It was very uncomfortable.


We settled in the far corner of the room where there were two comfortable looking chairs that look back into the room and at the nurses station, but has us staring directly at an older gentleman hooked up to an IV and huddled under a blanket, reclining in his Lazy Boy. Its the best option there is, so we sit down. And we wait. 10 minutes goes by. Nurses go to and fro. Nobody stops. Nobody says anything. Every patient, including the man in front of us has the same look. Our eyes meet, we kind share a knowing half smile, but don't exchange words. The obvious "so, what brings you in here?" question need not be asked. 


Finally a nurse wheels a cart over. "You must be Julie." "Yes," Julie replies. "How are you today?" (insert your own snarky response here. Julie was very polite.) How was your blood work?" "Well," we say, "they told us you were supposed to do her blood work". "Hmmm, I don't see the order. Let me go check."  Nurse goes away. Nurse returns.  "OK, we can do your blood work".  She struggles drawing blood - apparently there is kink in the tubing attached to port. Under her skin. "Move your head this way...maybe its stuck under your clavicle?...Oh, it happens all the time." Long story short, the blood starts flowing. The nurse draws the blood and starts to sort through IV bags. 


"We're going to start you on Herceptin today..." she starts to say. "Wait! She's not supposed to get Herceptin..." I almost yell.  "Oh, let me look. Hmmm. Yes, you are correct.  Let me go get her chart".  Heart pumping, wanting to jump out of my chair, I try to calm myself down. The nurse returns.  In my nicest voice I say, "This is her first time...can you explain exactly what you are going to be doing to her today?"  We get it all sorted out and she gets the IVs going.


Once we got settled in, it became a bit more comfortable.  Julie was drinking tons of water. I got her 3 cups of tea. She went to the bathroom 6 times. We actually say 5 words to the guy sitting across from us and his adult daughter. He's got 5 chemo drugs to go through. Yikes. Despite the awkwardness, she managed to get through 2 pre-chemo drugs (both for nausea) and then 2 hours of chemical insertion. And, in the end, she did AWESOME.


Next time will be much easier. It will be familiar and we will feel less awkward. Her next scheduled "treatment" is the 29th of September. Julie is managing through the side effects well. She is tired, has zero appetite and is a bit nauseous, but overall doing well. 


We are excited about the Race For The Cure on Sunday. Check out the post from last Saturday for details. Race For Cure Info Blog Post Today she took her Neulasta shot - to boost white blood cell and bone marrow- and it is her last day for the steroids, which help counter act the side effects. Please continue to pray for no side effects! She really wants to be at  Race For The Cure, and the Dr. said it would probably be one of her worst days.


I will update the blog again on Sunday, hopefully with some fun pictures of the Race.


God's richest blessings to all!

Chemo Treatment

2 days and counting.


Julie's first chemotherapy treatment is this Thursday, September 8. These last two weeks have been hard. Julie describes it as the "gorilla in the closet".  You know he is in there, and you don't want to go in the closet because you know you are going to get clobbered.  And, you've done everything you can to avoid the closet...worn wrinkled clothes, used every last t-shirt in the dresser...but eventually you have to face the gorilla (or walk around half naked).


We're really hoping and praying that the gorilla is more like the "gorilla in the mist", not King Kong.


We are as prepared as we can be, and maybe more than we should be:-).  We are all "learned" up on the treatment, the side effects, the medicines to counter the side effects, and even the medicine to counter the side effects of the side effect medicine! I am convinced that Julie is going to do awesome!


We have been in a concerted time of prayer and reflection, and we have both been camped on a number of powerful verses, many of them is Psalms. Psalm 103 has been particularly helpful. What an amazing set of verses, but especially verses 2-5 : "Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits — who forgives all  your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."


A few more that have been very helpful
Isaiah 41:13
Psalm 147:10-11
Proverbs 2:8
Jeremiah 29:11


While we are not looking forward to the next 5 months, we put our trust in the Lord, knowing he will carry us, knowing its just a season. We are so blessed to have so many of you praying for us.  Thank you. Please continue to pray for Julie during her chemo treatments - for minimal side effects, for strength, courage, and perseverance. May she be a shining light to others, and may the power of God within her be released to bless those around her.


I will update everyone again on Thursday.


Soli deo Gloria

Race For The Cure Information

Thank you so much for those of you who have already registered for the race and to those to who have expressed an interest and still need to register. Also, thank you to everyone who has financially sponsored us! We are so grateful for each of you.  

Here is a list of information that we hope you'll find helpful and/or necessary for the Race for the Cure on Sunday, September 11th at Garden of the Gods Park.   

Our team (Oh, The Places You'll Go!) will meet at the registration tent at 7:15am.  We will then hand out our team buttons and gather into groups.  You can choose to run the 5K at 8:00,  you can walk the 5K at 8:15, or participate in the 1K family walk at 8:45.  Event officials will direct you where to go at the appropriate time. We do not have plans to meet after the race so you can do your own thing.  

If want to get there early, the whole event starts at 6:00am, with an opening ceremony at 7:00.  Here is a link to the agenda: Race Day Schedule

You have many options for parking.  This is a well attended event so there will be lots of traffic. (Sorry!) Click on the link for further information:  Parking Map

For those of you who have not yet registered, or would like to add/bring someone else with you, there will be a registration tent at the event.  It costs $5.00 extra to register on that day.  Without the extra $5.00 fee on the day of the event adults are $30.00 and children ages 5-16 are $15.00.  You can also pre-register at Chapel Hills mall or the Citadel mall.  Here is the link for the specific locations and times at each location:  Registration and Packet Pickup Info

For those of you who have already registered, you need to pick up your race packet and shirt (make sure to go soon so they don't run out of your size).  You will do this at the same locations that you can register (see link immediately above) - most will probably want to pick up their packets at one of the two malls.

What else do you need to know?  You can call or email Julie or Steve or go the website at: Oh! The Places You'll Go Team Page  for answers. Also, here is a race FAQ: FAQs  We want to make this easy and fun for each of you.  

Thank you again and see you there!

Steve, Julie, Sarah, and Hannah

A Global Perspective

I love traveling. Especially to foreign countries.


I have been privileged to have been on every continent except Antarctica - and I have no plans to go there. Ever. The best part of traveling globally is the people you meet. The Lord has blessed me with some amazing friendships all over the globe - from Egypt and South Africa, Australia and New Zealand, to Costa Rica, Malaysia, Singapore, the UK, France, and even Romania.


One of my favorite things is to pray and worship in a local language. It helps me appreciate how big God really is. And, it feels like a sliver of a glimpse of heaven. The other thing that I love is to learn about local cultures - customs, habits, food, communication, etc.  Its amazing to experience how different things can be, and yet, at the same time, how similar. Whether here in the good 'ol US of A, or in the jungles of Brazil, the deserts of north Africa, or the hustle and bustle of a huge metropolis in Asia - people are people. They all hurt. They all experience joy. They all have fears and aspirations, and wonder about the when and where and why and how of life.

We are not so different. We are not alone.

We had a huge blessing tonight. Some dear friends from all over the globe who are in Colorado Springs for a conference came over for a short visit and to pray with us. They are family to us. They may never know how much it blessed us. Well, at least this side of heaven they won't know.

It was incredibly humbling to be around such wonderful men and women of God. After their visit, I was reflecting on the quiet confidence they had in Julie's complete healing. They each have so many personal challenges they have been through. Some live in countries hostile to Christianity; most have had personal tragedy in their own lives. All have experience medical and familial issues. They live is worlds very different than the cushy lives we live here. Yet, their faith is unwavering. Their perspective refreshing. Their confidence in the Lord inspiring.

This past week was busy, and culminated with a visit to the oncologist office to get a deeper understanding of the chemo treatment regiment that Julie will start on September 8. They have come a long way in helping manage the side effects of chemo. I can't imagine going through it even 10 years ago.  A short list of the drugs that Julie will be taking to reduce the side effects of chemo (and some to reduce the side effects of the side effect drugs):

Decadron, Emla cream, Neulasta, Aloxy, Adavan, Valium, Celebrex, Vicodin, home-made mouthwash, Refresh Plus, Advil, stool softeners and lip balm...

On one hand it's overwhelming, on the other, it's comforting to know there is so much help out there to minimize the side effects. 

As we edge towards the 8th of September, we would appreciate prayers for courage, minimal side effects, strength and health for the rest of the family (we can't be sick as her immune system will be compromised), and joy in the journey. We continually pray for complete healing and that the cancer will never return.

September 11 is Race For the Cure - thanks to everyone who has signed up. If you can join us, please do!  Here is our team page:  Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. 

Thank you to everyone who has been so gracious to our family. For your friendship. your food, your help, your thoughts, and most importantly your prayers!

We are going to get through this and we will be stronger for it. Our marriage, our friendships, our relationship with the Lord. And while we are looking forward to having this all behind us, we don't want to miss a thing that God has planned for us in the midst of it. 

By the way - Sarah rocked her performance in Celebration on Friday and Saturday. She was amazing!

Blessings to all.

In Your Sweet Spot

A Guest Blog from Julie!

I love to watch Steve golf.  He is a good golfer, with the potential to be a great golfer.  His swing is fluid, he can drive the ball in a beautiful and long line, and he is the consummate gentleman on the course.  When the ball hits  the "sweet spot" of his club it makes the best sound, and he is so  happy.  I watch him and beam.  He is in his sweet spot of life.  

We all have our sweet spots of life.  Things we do outside of what we have to do.  As I think of you friends reading this, I think of many things that you all do.  Biking, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, running, drawing, golfing, swimming, diving, tennis, traveling, cooking, creating....  the list is long and beautiful ( kind of like Steve's drives off the tee).  I have my own sweet spots - cooking, taking long walks, and sleeping.  ( I'm only partially kidding about the last one!)   I have not been doing much of the first two favorites, and I have been perfecting the art of sleeping and resting. I miss cooking and baking and walking forever in the woods.  I know they will come again -and missing them will make them that much "sweeter" when that time finally arrives.

I have a friend who likes to golf, but can't drive the ball very far due to a shoulder problem.  She didn't want to give up on her passion, so she found a way to make it work.  She has perfected her short game.  She has made up for the lack of distance by becoming a fabulous putter.  Way to go!  

I am looking back at the summer that really wasn't a summer for us, and looking ahead at a pretty difficult fall filled with chemo and all it's effects.  What do I do about all of the things I can't do and miss so much?  Sleep through it?  No, I don't like that idea.  (althought sometimes I don't have a choice).  Whine about it and feel sorry for myself?  No, I don't like that either.  ( and I always have a choice on that one).  How about doing what my friend did with working on her short game when her long drives became impossible?  Can I somehow make adjustments to my game and still get the ball in the cup?  Can I still find my sweet spot?

I think I can.  Long walks may out of the equation for awhile, but I can still take short walks and be outside with the wind in my hair ( or wig, as it will be).  Sometimes walking to the mailbox can be a nice break from a boring day inside.  

How about cooking and baking?  We have had so many angels bring us dinners and desserts that I honestly don't even miss making dinners for my family.  We have been so blessed, and I am pretty sure Hannah will be sad when I start making dinners again.  She has loved and declared almost every meal her favorite!  But, I can still make pancakes on a good morning, or cut up an apple with peanut butter for an after school snack.  I am learning to adjust. To not be so black and white.  To appreciate the many things I can do and celebrate them.  I don't want to miss out on my sweet spots in life.  I do need to change my thinking a bit to realize that things can look different and still be good.  Ok, so a walk down the street and back is not the same as hiking in the mountains, but I can still enjoy it.  Cutting an apple or pulling out the Biquick box is not quite the same as what I used to do, but I am still in the kitchen serving.    (sometimes I am just in the kitchen sitting while someone else cuts the apple, but I am still there!)  This a pretty big shift in my thinking, and doesn't come as easliy as I would like.  But the alternative is sitting around and feeling sad about what I am not doing.  Bad choice, that one.  

So, I am going to walk down the street and enjoy it.  I will enjoy whtatever I do in the kitchen.  And I will always love watching others in their sweet spots.  Seeing others so happy truly makes me happy.

Grammar Lesson

This morning, I was "not" helping Hannah with her homework.  The homework, I come to find out, is to determine what she remembers from last year - so I wasn't supposed to help her. Can you picture yourself with your kid in this discussion:

"Dad! I don't understand my Spanish homework."  Great, I haven't studied Spanish since 1983 and I'm  just a wee bit rusty on my verb conjugation. But, I'm willing to take a crack at it. Of course, I get to a verb that I can't remember the "vosotros" (plural form of you familiar) form of the verb. So, when I tell her, "look it up on the Internet," she says, "I can't. We are not allowed to look anything up." "Why not?" I innocently ask.  "Because - we can't get help.  It's homework to see what we remember."

"Well then, why did you ask me to help you?" "Because I don't understand it!"  "Well, the whole point of the homework is to figure out what you don't know, so your teacher can know what to teach you in the class." Strange, vacant look. "But Daaaaaad! It has to be done!"

I'll save you from the 15 minute back and forth and back and forth. Lets just say in the end, I won. Eventually she got cracking and was able to make progress. Near the bottom of the worksheet, she had to use the verb to dance (Bailar) using all the different forms - me, you familiar, you formal, we, them, etc. Except, that she kept missing the tense of the verb.  "Honey,  you can't say "we danced last Friday using the present tense of the verb."  "But Dad, I haven't learned the past tense of verbs yet." ....more thrashing...more banging of my head....pulse quickens...deep breath.


Joshua 1:9 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, do no be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go."


I love this verse, but I frequently forget the first 5 words.  Have. I. Not. Commanded. You. As I was reflecting, and praying for forgiveness for losing my temper with my "almost" perfect 12-year old, this verse came to mind. Note the tense of the verb "command". It's past tense. And, it's phrased in a question - it almost feels like it says "Remember? I am commanding you, again..."

This idea of "have no fear" is not a suggestion. It's not a request. The idea of "don't be discouraged" is not a suggestion and it's not a request. They are imperatives. All of them (be strong, be courageous, don't be afraid, don't be discouraged). They are commands. He says, unequivocally,  "I am with you. And because I am with you, you are not to be afraid."

Easier said than done.

Jesus spoke of this idea of "help" when he told us about the power of God that is within us. When his disciples were amazed at all his miracles, He told them "...you will do even greater things that this" (John 14:12).

As I was praying over Julie today, this verse, along with some great insight and encouragement from my sister came to the forefront of my mind. For those who have Christ in the lives - the power of God lives in us. The power of God that spoke the universe into existence, created every living creature, and raised Jesus from the dead lives in us. That is a lot of power. And with that power, we can indeed "have no fear".

On tap for this week:

• Echocardiogram tomorrow
• Post op meeting with breast surgeon on Thursday
• A "welcome to chemotherapy" class on Friday
• Katy, Julie's mom and Luther, are coming this Friday (yeah!)
• Sarah has her performance in "Celebration", a musical at school where she has the lead on Friday and Saturday night

Prayer requests:

• That we can harness the power of God that is within us to do what the Word commands us to do.
• That we live with a spirit of worship and gratitude every day
• For God's favor at work
• For the emotional wherewithal to process and absorb all we need to at the "Chemo 101 class"
• For God's favor on the girls in school and specifically with Sarah and her performance
• For gratitude to the many people who have prayed, visited, sent well wishes, cooked, cleaned and did yard work over the past 6 weeks.  We are so thankful for you!

We have 18 people signed up for the Race For The Cure! Don't forget to sign up if you'd like to join us (even if its "sleeping in for the cure") : Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. 


Blessings to all

Happy Birthday

A post from Julie, on her birthday!

Hello!  Thank you to all for your kind birthday wishes.  It means so much to me to hear from so many of you.  I had a really good day today.  Lots of energy and minimal pain.  Woo Hoo!  I also got some good news that I wanted to share.

The beginning of the week was rough - I went wig shopping on Monday.  I asked for a Christie Brinkley look a-like wig and the sales lady thought I was nuts. Then I tried on a wig that (according to the sales lady whose name is Tracy) made me look like I was stuck in the 80's and in a band.  A bad band at that.  Well, fine. I personally liked it, but I put it back pretending all the while to agree with her.  I mean, what do I know?  So then Tracy asks me what style I have always wanted to try and encouraged me to branch out and have some fun with wigs.  I then told her (again) that I wanted to look like Christie Brinkley in the 80's and that being a a band was a secret wish ( I wanted to be the drummer).  So much for that conversation.....   let's try this wig on, Tracy says.... and we are on our way.  I found two full wigs and one half-wig to wear under hats.  They look like the hair that I have now and are actually pretty ok with me.  Whew!  MAJOR hurdle accomplished.  I try the wigs on every day and look at myself in the mirror to get used to them.  I tell myself that even Christie Brinkley would wear these styles.  Then I remind myself that Christie B was a teen-age idol and I should get over her.  I am 45 years old now after all.  

On Tuesday I had a PET scan.  This is where they take me to this little room with radioactive and caution symbols everywhere they tell me to just relax. Oh, ok - sure.  I had to drink this berry flavored radioactive sugar water and then drink another glass of water and tell me not to move for 50 minutes.  I can't even read because they don't want my eye muscles moving. Be still and relax they tell me.  You know what happens next, right?  What is the first thing that happens to you (women who are my age and have been pregnant)?  I have to go to the bathroom.  Yikes!  I mean, I really have to go.  And I am afraid to move because I am now radioactive and I think that if I move I will make my whole body even more radioactive by "stirring things up" and my PET scan will be messed up and they will find false positives of cancer everywhere in my body and they will just take me out back and shoot me because I am so far gone.  

So, I sit there and pray that I can wait for someone to walk by and I can quietly and without moving summon them into my room and beg for them to let me leave - just for a minute.  Even if it means shooting me later.  Desperate times call for desparate measures.  Finally.  Larry walks by.   My new BFF.  I beg Larry to let me go and he concedes.  Finally, with 10 minutes left of my 50 minutes, I can relax.  Whew!  The rest of the test involves laying on a "bed"  ( it was a bed like the radioactive sugar drink was actually berry flavored) and get scanned for 30 minutes.  I can't move for that part either.  By the time I got home I was so stressed from not moving that I slept for 3 hours.  Not once during the rest of the day did I have to go to the bathroom.  Figures....

Wednesday was the meeting with the oncologist and a few other people who will possbily be part of my chemo regime.  I like my oncologist and respect her and am taking her advice seriously.  I listen carefully, absorb about 10% of what she says, and go to the car and cry.  Every time.  And every time I see her she thanks me for being so positive and energetic.  Ha!  Does she see me in my car crying?  I think not.  So, this visit she calmly tells me about the side effects of chemo.  Blech.  That's all I can say.  Just blech.  I lose my hair by the third week.  Good thing I have wigs ready to go.(and a cute hat too!)

Today is my birthday.  I have good news.  My PET scan turned out normal after all!  What this means is that there are no visible signs of cancer anywhere.  There could be little cells floating around, and that is the reason for chemo.  Kill the little evil things before they get a chance to grow.  I went to see my rock star doctor, Dr Toni Green, who explained everything to me in such a way that I understood it all.  She makes everything a little less scary.  She also makes me feel like I can do this.  And I just like her as a person.  So, that was a huge birthday gift from her.  And, I know that she was hand picked for me by the Lord, so it was really a gift from Him - through her.  When I got home from my appointment with her I had a nice talk with Sarah and then Hannah and we had a nice - and normal- evening.  A normal evening is a good birthday present!!  

Tomorrow night we are getting all dressed up and going out for a nice dinner to celebrate.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Now, if you will excuse me, I must be off to go and brush my hair.

Good, but Complicated

Finally some good news


Hurdle #3 this week was the meeting with the oncologist.  We met with Dr. Kim at 10:00am this morning.  The good news: Negative PET scan, meaning no cancer detected anywhere else in the body.  Huge high five!  Also, pathology from excision last Friday showed negative, so no more cancer in the original tumor area. Another high five!


So, we are feeling very blessed that we now have a complete clinical diagnosis and that there currently is no cancer in her body that we are aware of. Praise the Lord!


Decision time.  


The question that remains is treatment going forward. Julie  has decided to do chemotherapy (and endocrine therapy later).  The statistics for recurrence without chemo are too high to not do chemo. Dr. Kim has recommended a "moderate" (if you can call any poison moderate) chemotherapy treatment plan that includes two main drugs, Toxotere and Cytoxan. It will be administered every 3 weeks for 6 cycles, starting on September 8, 2011. More good news, she will not be taking Adriamycin, affectionately called "Red Devil". (remember the song - you are the devil and you are bad...?)


Big Decision number two. Clinical Trials.


As of right now, she is technically approved for a clinical trial, although she needs to do more tests to finalize her acceptance, including a blood test and an echo-cardiogram. (Apparently, one side effect is that the left ventricle stops pumping blood like it should so she needs a super strong heart.) Hmmm. 


Clinical trials are used for research purposes. You are, in a real sense, a lab rat. This trial is looking to see if adding the drug Herceptin can decrease the recurrence of cancer in a group of patients that are technically HER2 negative, but have a few cells in their clinical pathology that show +1 or +2  positive for HER2. Julie happens to fall into this category. So, they get a group of women who fall into that category, randomly draw 50% of them that get standard chemo treatment plus Herceptin, and 50% just get standard treatment. They (the FDA) then follow them for 10 years to see if the ones that got the Herceptin had a lower recurrence rate.


So, why do clinical trials? Good question. They can't and won't tell you if taking Herceptin will increase the likelihood for survival. They hope so, but don't know so. So, other than helping future patients, there's not much in it for the patient in the trial. Another negative, and a BIG negative, is this: standard treatment for Julie under the current plan is 18 weeks (6 cycles every 3 weeks - see kids, you do need math so stay in school). If she goes in the clinical trial, she would have to have the Herceptin treatments for a full year. Port stays in, co-pays for every visit, side effects. Yeah.


So, a specific prayer request is for wisdom regarding if should she participate in the clinical trial, you know, for the good of mankind. Or womankind. Or something like that.


Another specific prayer request is for emotional stability and minimal side effects from chemo. Its overwhelming what this stuff can do to you. Tired, cranky, swollen, metalic taste, tingling, swelling, (and a list of about 300 other things that "might" happen. Gotta love the FDA). She will have to take steroids (and a bunch of other stuff) to counteract the negative effects of the Cytoxin and Toxotere. Steroids are bad you say. Yes, they can be, and they have side effects, but not as bad as the side effects of the chemo apparently. Sounds like that TV commercial for Restless Leg Syndrome medication; it helps your leg but "....may cause internal bleeding, hemorrhoids, blindness, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, stroke, and in rare cases, death..." "...If you have any of these symptoms, call your doctor that prescribed it for you..."


We have an appointment next Friday to go over the whole chemo process, the side effects, the medicines she will be on, the schedule for medicines, etc.  The side effects work like a wave - the chemo crashes her body, white blood cells, bone marrow, immunities. The low point is 2-3 days after treatment, then she slowly recovers. The bad news about her start date is that it will be 3 days before Race For The Cure...so, we will have to sort that out later. If she can't make it, we walk in her honor!


Sorry for the length - but wanted to share some of the details.


Blessings to all. Thank you for your prayers, they are making a huge difference. Glory to God in the Highest.

2 Down, 1 to Go

There's football in the air, and now that the season is back on, I thought a football analogy would be appropriate

I don't really mean 2nd Down, 1 yard to go. I mean 2 major hurdles down this week, one more big one to go.  

Julie is healing well from the surgery last Friday.  The weekend was slow and steady.  Still a lot of pain, but its manageable.  Hurdle #1: Monday. She bought 3 different wigs.  That was emotionally hard for sure.  Hurdle #2: Today. She had her PET scan. 

If you haven't heard of it or done one, its a procedure where they put radioactive dye laced with sugar into your blood stream, let you sit (so it can get through your body), then put you in a machine (that's a cross between a CAT scan and an MRI) for about 40 minutes  that "reads" if there are any more cancer cells. 

Cancer loves sugar, so the theory goes that if there are cancer cells, they will eat the sugar, then "light up" on the machine. The objective is to have no "light-ups".  Well, no light-ups that aren't normal (like your kidneys or other organs that normally light up on these tests).

Hurdle #3: Tomorrow. Oncology day. 10:00am MT we meet with Dr. Kim, the oncologist. Hopefully we will now have a complete clinical diagnosis that includes:

• Pathology report from original biopsy
• Pathology report from bilateral mastectomy surgery and lymph nodes
• Pathology report from second surgery to remove positive margin
• Pathology report from PET scan (please pray we get this so we don't have to go back again, as it can take up to 72 hours to get results)

All this info gets put into a computer model that helps determines chemo and endocrine treatment going forward. The goal is to walk out of there with a clear plan for chemotherapy, which includes type of chemo cocktail, number of cycles (currently planned at 6 cycles administered every 3 weeks), and start date; and determination of acceptance into clinical trial. Endocrine therapy comes later, after chemo is finished.

Thursday is Birthday Day!  Not that Jules need another reason to celebrate her birthday...but each one has taken on just a bit more significance. Because its also a school-day, we won't do a birthday dinner as a family until Friday, but I am taking the day off to spend with my beautiful bride.

Friday is another meeting with the plastic surgeon to see if she is ready to start re-expansion on the left side.

As promised, here are the big 3 things you can do to help, should God put us on your hearts:

1. Continue to pray for us.  We are asking for specific prayer the oncologist meeting - that every spec of cancer will is gone, the PET scan shows no cancer, and that Julie will be able manage chemo therapy well.  Of course, we are praying that she will remain cancer free forever. 
2. Should you feel led to help with food or whatever, please visit Julie's Care Calendar - enter security code 8146.  
3. We'd love to have as many people walking with us as possible at the Race For The Cure on September 11.  You can sign up here: Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. If you need more info or instructions on how to sign up, visit the previous blog post: Race For Cure Blog Post

We are blessed. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, concern, help and friendship. We love you all!

Sunflowers

Another guest post from Julie


It is a beautiful Colorado morning!  How many times do I say that?  Too many?  I don't think that is possible.  I love our mornings here.  My usual routine is to sit outside and eat breakfast while watching the birds and squirrels have their breakfast.   There is usually quite a crowd with me as we feast on our nuts and seeds together.

I love gardens.  Manicured, but not too fussy.  Lots of colors and lots of textures.  Lots of activity.  (side note: I don't like to actually do the work in the garden, I just like the results)  This morning, I was sitting there and looking at the sunflowers that have appeared as a result of dropped birdseed.  These sunflowers were not part of the original landscape plan - they just appeared.   And these sunflowers are not "tidy".  They are droopy, have lots of bugs, and they are doing their best to overshadow the beautiful, and much smaller, rose bush that they are next to.   A while ago, Steve asked me I wanted him to cut the sunflowers down. No thanks, let's watch them grow and then feed the seeds to the birds.  

The sunflowers have become a metaphor for my summer.  They were not part of the carefully executed origninal plan.  They don't seem to fit in.  But they are beautiful in their own right.  The actual flowers are all facing their heads towards the morning sun - catching every bit of the Colorado morning as possible.  The color of the flowers is such a brilliant yellow and the leaves are a deep green.   They are nourishing an entire bee population and will later feed many birds in the fall.  Wild and messy as they are, they are serving a purpose.  

While I prefer my garden, and my life, to be planned and tidy, it doesn't always work that way.   I am learning to embrace the unexpected a little more. To find the beauty in the mess.  To see the purpose in the unplanned.   To love the sunflowers in my life.  

Quick 2nd Surgery Update

Good news, Julie is out of surgery and in recovery.  All went well and as planned!


While we started about an hour late, the cancer excision and the chemo port insertion went very well.  She did NOT get any more drains put in (huge blessing and answer to prayer). She has already gotten up and walked a bit!


I expect to take her home in the next hour or two and let her sleep in her own bed tonight.


Here are the next steps:

• Rest and heal from today's surgery
• Next Tuesday is her PET scan - to see if there is cancer cells anywhere else in her body
• Wednesday is follow up with Oncologist - we should get final recommendation and schedule for starting chemotherapy
• Thursday is Julie's birthday - BIG celebration!
• Friday its back to the plastic surgeon to re-start expansion process again

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts and help!  


More updates soon.

Life Lessons From the Dentist

This Post is from Julie.......

My girls went to the dentist today.  They both got clean bills of health.  The questions they get asked in the dentist's office are always the same:   how many times a day do you brush?  floss?  do you drink soda?  drink milk or take calcium...? 

And so far, the girls have always had the "right" answers and escaped without a hitch.  

On the drive home, I always launch into my same speech about the benefits of taking care of our bodies and aren't you glad you that you are such good little brushers??  ( something along those lines anyway).  Today, however, I stopped myself. 

I congratulated them on another "easy" visit.  As I was starting in on my speech, I thougth about the many kids I know that take realy good care of their teeth and still have multiple fillings.  I thought about all of the kids that don't own Sonicares and have parents that nag them to use them.  All of the kids who work really really hard at something and still have it be a struggle.  Now, I still believe strongly in brushing and flossing and doing all we can do to take care of ourselves.  But sometimes it isn't enough. 

Can you relate?  You put everything you have into a job that is draining the life out of you?  Or a relationship that you have invested everything in, only to not have it work out?  Or a wayward child that you have poured your heart and soul into and flooded the gates of heaven with your prayers, only to have your prodigal continue to rebel?  

I have been watching so many families go through hard times.  Times that seem to come out of nowhere.  Difficulities that seem totally unfair.  Famillies that "brush and floss" regularly and still have multiple cavaties.  I wonder how cancer could have the nerve to invade this body that I have take such good care of.  C'mon -  organic, local, good vitamins, exercise... the whole deal.  And I get cancer???   This does not make sense at all.  

But, none of it makes "sense".  None of us have asked for the afflictions we are handed.  But, I do know that we have all been given the grace and strength to deal with it.   That there is a purpose for everything.  That God can redeem any circumstance and turn it around for good.  And that we are told to praise Him through it all.  And so, I do.  Praise Him. Trust Him to turn this around and bring beauty from ashes.  And simply have faith that He will do what He says he will in His word.  

Does this mean I am abandoning my exercise and organic foods?  Or stop nagging my girls to actually turn the Sonicare on - it works much better that way.  No way.  We should do all that is in our power to do.  However, I am learning that the real power lies in God's hands.  And  I am grateful for that.  He runs the world much better than I ever could.

Quick Update - Surgery Week

Busy, busy, busy

I wanted to provide a quick update on what's happening the next 3 days.

Today we had two doctor appointments - one with the Chiropractor to relieve some pain, which was very helpful, and the other with the plastic surgeon.  The plastic surgeon had to continue to expand and stretch the left reconstruction to provide room for Dr. Green to go in an excise the cancer that is remaining.  Julie is very, very sore. Happy today, but sore.

Tomorrow we meet the general surgeon, Dr. Fedorak, who will put in the chemo port on Friday.

Thursday is pre-op and surgery registration. Hopefully she can do that over the phone rather than another trip to the hospital.

Friday is surgery day.  We need to go into the plastic surgeon's office at 9:00am to have him remove all the saline from the expander on the left side which will give Dr. Green the room she needs to do the removal of the remaining cancer. We then go to the hospital somewhere between 11:00 and 11:30 to check in. Surgery will begin at approximately 1:00pm. Its expected to last about 2 hours. Dr. Green will excise the remainder of the cancer, and Dr. Fedorak will put in the port to administer chemo. The port will be put in a vein in her chest cavity.  That surgery alone will be near an hour.

We are not sure if she will be sent home after recovery from surgery, but that is the current plan.  It all depends on how well she recovers from the anesthesia. If it takes her too long, they may admit her for the night.

So many people have asked how they can help...thank you all.  So, based on a suggestion from a good friend, here is how you can help.  3 ways. And for you who know me at work, you know "its always 3":

1. Continue to pray for us.  We are asking for specific prayer for surgery - that every spec of cancer will be removed and that there is no more anywhere else in her body.  And that it will never come back. Please also pray for a quick recovery from surgery on Friday.
2. Should you feel led to help with food or whatever, please visit Julie's Care Calendar - enter security code 8146.  
3. We'd love to have as many people walking with us as possible at the Race For The Cure on September 11.  You can sign up here: Oh The Places You Go Team Signup. If you need more info or instructions on how to sign up, visit the previous blog post: Race For Cure Blog Post

We are blessed. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, concern, help and friendship. We love you all!