If/Then - Else

Remember decision trees in middle school math?  If A, then B, else C...


Today's decision tree felt like a 100-year old weeping willow. We met with 2 different reconstructive plastic surgeons, both very nice and qualified that gave us more options and potentials and what ifs than we could realistically process. We could do this kind of surgery, but if an infection happens, we have to do it all over again. Probability of that?  20%.  We could actually do this other surgery, unless, this happens, then, we have to go with option A.  If we go option B, then there is actually another surgery 12 weeks later.  Or maybe 6 months later. Then, after surgery, it could be 4 weeks, maybe 8, and during that time we'll do these three things....unless there is chemo involved, then we have to go down this other route.  Oh yeah, forgot about the drain, oh and the lack of sensation. Forever. And, cosmetically, we need to think about....Oh, and no showering for 5 days.  Maybe 10. Yuk. Uncle!  Uncle!  Uncle! 


There is an amazing amount of information regarding how the body works - and in the midst of all the fear, anxiety, and complexity, its actually amazing to learn about how God designed the body, and what the medical community knows and how they actually do some of this stuff.


I find some of the "normality" of the discussion with the doctors a bit disquieting. I heard and used the word "breast" about 400 times today.  I probably haven't heard or used that word 10 times in the last 40 years.  Its also difficult at times to realize and watch the periodic loss of dignity. Undress, exam, probe, measure, discuss, dress, undress, exam, probe, measure again, discuss.


Today was emotionally draining for Julie.  I am amazed at her strength and ability to maintain a sense of humor (sometimes more than others) through all of this. There is a constant battle between logic and heart; between emotional decisions and practical ones. A good prayer point for today would be that we would hear only God's voice in making the decisions, that we would lean on him for the emotional and spiritual restoration that he promises us in his word.


Tomorrow's another day.  We visit the oncologist.  Not sure what to expect, but we will have the discussion about chemotherapy.  That's not going to be pretty.


A special thank you to my colleagues at CSK who have been supportive in so many ways, including giving me the freedom to be with Julie and the confidence that all our clients are in good hands.


Holding it all loosely....